Artisanal plastic crates

Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2020/02/17/artisanal-plastic-crates.html

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Hang on, this ISN’T a BoingBoing’s Shop post?

I’m very confused now.

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Huh, I guess the days of liberating them from behind grocery stores are gone, like tears in the rain. And, my youth. But not my sturdy crates!

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I’ve seen crates you people wouldn’t believe.

ETA Probably in the BoingBoing Shop

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Clearly I need to trademark “zfirphdn”, before someone else does. But what products should I sell?

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No, but there are several links to Amazon in it :wink:

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Anything you damn well like. Just make sure there’s artisanal, hacked or maker-made in the description somewhere :smirk:

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That linked NYT article is a great read. TL;DR: Amazon has special access programs for companies with a registered trademark. The US trademark office is thus overwhelmed. Trademarks with unique non-word names pass the process much quicker. Thus procedurally generated nonsense brand names have exploded. The “brand” is just a checkbox to gain access to better Amazon tools for selling whatever random stuff the Chinese seller is able to buy cheaply at their local market. Also everything is turrible.

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To open an Amazon Storefront (aka Sponsored Brands) you have to register a trademarked brand. These companies are simply using Amazon’s system as designed.

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the real interesting story is the pseudo-brands.

But if you want a branded crate to rule them all, look no further than the ultimate in brand name overpricing, I give you the Heckler & Koch crate.

I’ll digress by saying its totally the seller inflating this price, as they got acquired them essentially free, and in fact these were first listed at $200. I don’t think anyone here will disagree with the kind of person who would buy these being fleeced.

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Well now you’ve just gone batty.

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Why, zfirphdns, of course.

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Now available from Wayfair.
*Allow a few extra weeks for delivery.

I’m pretty sure it’s a matter of national security, like walking off campus for lunch in high school or rooting your iphone

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Heh. And here I thought the Milwaukee PACKOUT crate was a little over the top. (although, if one is invested in that system, I can see it making sense to get one of those as opposed to one of the open-top totes with the packout connector on the bottom…)

“What should you do with it besides brag, show it off, and flex on poors?”

Actual quote from actual product description. Probably not a good sign.

being sold under randomly-generated brand names

I don’t know why, but I love this. All of it. (Fake) designer milkcrates from China being sold under computer-generated nonsense faux- tech-fashion brand names? Much cyberpunk, wow.

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Perfect for storing my artisanal old newspapers before taking them to my eco-friendly recycling center. Do they come in green?

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Here’s the tell:

“at significantly inflated prices.”

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