Since I am not a protocol droid, I cannot understand the chirps of other robots. Thus, I will have to interpret this film from what it communicates non-verbally.
R2D2 is probably a boy, because he’s painted blue.
Wait, now he’s hitting on a mailbox with a pink ribbon on top, definitely a boy.
He continues to escalate flirting with the mailbox, despite her ignoring all of his antics.
She reluctantly agrees to a picnic date, but he’s so boring she remains expressionless.
On the walk back from the date, some other guy approaches her about her job, which is for the postal service, and blue-boy goes apeshit and tazes him! I’m not saying that R2D2 commits intimate partner violence, but the warning signs are unmistakable.
Ms. Mailbox is stunned, and afraid to run away right there, because you know he just got all possessive and tazed her customer. So, she endures the rest of the date, a schlocky caricature sitting (how creepy is that on a first date) and a movie.
Needless to say, she never gave blue boy a return call or text after that night.
Two weeks later, blue-boy comes into her work with a bouquet of roses. Awkward. While the new guy she started dating has just shown up to take her to lunch. Double Awkward.
Which is just when I realize that not only is blue-boy a blue robot, but he’s also a white robot. And I realize that because Mailbox’s new beau is black. And bigger than R2D2. I’m not sure what significance a larger, darker robot competing with the object of R2’s affection is meant to convey, just like I’m also not sure why any of the director’s friends didn’t suggest he chose a different color scheme for all the characters. Wardrobe, always under-appreciated.
Anyways, creepy blue robot boy goes off to have a good cry which lasts as long as it takes him to find another girl to street harass.
In a twist worth of M. Night Shyamalan, she’s wearing pink too.
So the internet would have you believe.
And I think it’s remarkable R2 could even FIND a pink goth! You assumptions about gender based on their clothing, notwithstanding. that could well be an L-O-L-A unit.
I met her in a swamp down in Dagobah
where it bubbles all the time
like a giant carbonated soda
the force is strong in this one
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