Attraction vs Objectification

I literally just guffawed.

It really is that simple.

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Explore the results of Romance Writers of America’s research on the romance fiction industry. These statistics offer insights to help you understand this billion-dollar-a-year industry.

  • Estimated annual total sales value of romance in 2013: $1.08 billion (source: BookStats)
  • Romance novel share of the U.S. fiction market: 34% (source: Nielsen BookScan/PubTrack Digital 2015)
  • What formats of romance fiction are selling? (source: Nielsen BookScan/PubTrack Digital 2015; figures do not include self-published romance e-book sales or Amazon-published e-books)
    • E-books: 61%
    • Mass-market paperback: 26%
    • Trade paperback: 11%
    • Hardcover: 1.4%
  • Who is the romance book buyer? (source: Nielsen Books & Consumer Tracker)
    • Female: 84%
    • Male: 16%
  • Age of the romance book buyer: 30–44 years old (source: Nielsen Books & Consumers 2015)

https://www.rwa.org/page/romance-industry-statistics

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You’d think so, right? But apparently a lot of men think that being burdened with a libido and buckets of testosterone makes it impossible to treat women like equals.

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At least I acknowledge I eat too much and struggle with my weight.

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I have been. You don’t know me or my experiences, so I’d appreciate it if you didn’t make any assumptions.

No. People tell the story.

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Very true, and it took me listening to my partner to even consider that case. It’s another disconnect between genders - if you don’t tend to have to fear attention, you have a completely different take on actions that involve personal space. I’m glad I listened to the perspective of someone who does have to fear such things, and I think the world would be a better place if men sat and truly listened to how such actions are interpreted by women, and adjust their behaviour appropriately.

To @Missy_Pants’s question, when I see something beautiful (be it a person, place, or thing, I tend to want to compliment it. Not for me to get anything out of it, but because I think appreciation of beautiful things is a valid use of one’s time (for example, Hawai’i is beautiful, my cats are beautiful, my niece is beautiful, and I find many people beautiful, too.). It’s an emotional response, I just feel that way, and I like sharing my emotions with others. But I’ve since learned that for others, it is a profoundly negative experience, and as such, I reserve such displays of emotion to my close friends who know me, only. As I said above, perspective is everything, and until you ask and really listen to those who suffer objectification (and indeed, fear from attention!), you can’t really deep down absorb why a change in behaviour is even necessary.

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Cool! Glad to hear it!

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I’m not sure anyone made that claim. We claimed that women are human beings, not objects of desire for me. Period.

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My toddler, TODDLER has grown adult men make comments about how she is going to be a heartbreaker or how she is going to make a good wife. My two year old daughter.

Want to guess how many times it happens in front of me?

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I hate when people see pics of my 16 yr old daughter the first thing they say is “oh. You’re in trouble!!”

Why?! Why in the fuck am I in trouble because my daughter is beautiful? “Oh the boys are gonna chase her. I bet you aren’t happy about that”

Uh. That’s for her to deal with and she will ask for my advice and help if she needs it. Also I am afraid for THE BOYS. Because she will kick the ever loving snot out of anyone who crosses her.

(There is a reason she is called Godzilla on the soccer field)

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DAFUQ? I wasn’t the most socially clueful dork in my younger days but jeezus I had way better sense than to do shit like that. That’s like seriously creepy behavior.

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It wasn’t even unusual. It happened a lot, in public, in malls, on the sidewalk, it was just a thing that happened when I left the house. /shrug - I’m not special, and these men weren’t socially maladjusted weirdos, these were grown men giving a teenager their business card because she was pretty.

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Okay, but let’s not forget that it’s a trained response too. Consider the term “conventionally beautiful,” which to me evokes a boring kind of beauty. Yet if someone says Hey you’re really beautiful!, that’s the kind of beauty they usually mean. Not automatically a compliment, ya know?

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Have you ever watched gay porn?

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It’s in the repulsive list.

Anything with the slightest edge to hard core is off limits. Something more “romantic” is in bounds. So fifty shades is an in.

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Right, so given the way that women look and act in standard hetero porn, is it really surprising that some women, including your wife would avoid it, and might just decide porn wasn’t for them?

That says less about women’s libido, and more about the porn.

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And to clarify, I’m not talking about watching man on man as a couple, I’m asking if you would choose to watch it, and if it turned you on or off.

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Actually it doesn’t turn me off or on. I’m not a fan of gay or lesbian porn because I’m not gay or lesbian.

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Forgive me for asking such personal questions. Thanks for being so kind as to answer.

Sex and arousal are strange. I think most people have strong reactions in either on direction or another- attraction or repulsion, which is why it’s so difficult to parse arousal based on one medium with a very narrow scope.

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