Avoid these 9 charisma-killing mistakes

Originally published at: http://boingboing.net/2017/06/27/avoid-these-9-charisma-killing.html


Whatever, it’s the dump stat.


Lots of good advice that I wish more people would take, and some that I could take.

But, isn’t there a difference between “having charisma” and just, “getting along well with people”?

In my experience, people described as “charismatic” are often people I would also describe as “assholes.”


Most of this is the same advice as that old chestnut, “How to Win Friends & Influence People”, which my well-intentioned mom made me read in middle school.

I’m most guilty of the first bit of advice here, as I’m terrible at introducing myself; I always simply forget.

My biggest social phobia comes with names, as I’m often bad at remembering them, and after a few occasions of committing the ultimate faux pas of calling someone the wrong name, I tend to just avoid using names if at all possible.


I’m glad the sorts of social instructional videos exist. There’s a real need for them. But I’m also concerned about how we came to need them. What happened in the last few generations that people stopped learning basic social skills? Is it the decreased level of meatspace socialization? Lack of parents engaged with their kids at young ages? Something else?


Could it be that charismatic assholes are more effective at being assholes, rather than charismatic people necessarily having a higher rate of being assholes?


Okay, let’s see here:

1: Don’t be autistic
2: Don’t be autistic
3: Really don’t be autistic
4: I mean it, seriously, don’t be autistic
5: Don’t be autistic
6: Don’t be autistic
7: Don’t dare be unhappy, and if you are hide it fiercely
8: Don’t be autistic
9: Be principled (but be totally okay with paying for work with “exposure”)

Well I dunno about anybody else, but I’m boned.


“Hey…uh…man! How have you been?”


I was kinda weirded out by the video’s use of a fat guy eating fast food as their stereotype of someone who obviously hates life (because they’re fat and they eat too much).





It’s a term almost always used to describe cult leaders, for example.


And populist tyrants. Of course charisma is also pretty subjective. Lots of Trump voters genuinely believe that he’s charismatic. :frowning:


Back on Usenet there was a frequent re-post that was titled ‘Dating advice for nerds’ or something similar. It got a lot of traction for some reason, even though it was clearly one woman’s rant against one particular S.O.

It had many items in common with this video.

To the maker of this video I would say, if you want to complain about people who irritate you, that’s fine, but packaging it as ‘advice’ about ‘charisma’ makes you a smarmy douchebro. Go sell GNC or something.


‘Charisma’ was honestly a terrible word to use here. It’s all genuinely good advice, Social Interaction 101, and all of these are things that I think most people would say, “yeah, it’s pretty awkward when someone does that. I should try to remember not to do that.”

But it has nothing to do with “charisma”. Some folks are Type-A personalities with natural energy for social interactions and have charisma pouring from their ears. You can fake charisma, but that’s an easy way to burn through social energy fast (and make you look smarmy). These tips are more things to remember to avoid awkwardness and better engage conversations. Nothing smarmy or douchebro-y about having a good conversation.


Meh. Charisma is over rated (ETA: Not really, she’s kind of awesome, actually)!

Be weird instead!


Same thing, almost?


[quote=“nungesser, post:9, topic:103608”]I was kinda weirded out by the video’s use of a fat guy eating fast food as their stereotype of someone who obviously hates life (because they’re fat and they eat too much).[/quote]Verily, I am lately starting to appreciate the appeal of physical exhaustion and fasting as a means of numbing the pain.

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I’m checking out the animators channel just now. https://www.youtube.com/user/GeekZeino I’m going to credit him with poorly informed irony on the fat man. He’s a bright and talented animator.

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Well it started out as my dump stat, but I’ve missed a couple of aging rolls since then.


People seem to like me more than I like them. So I’ve been abusing that stat since I got a +2 Wisdom and +50% on Saving Throws against Narcissists and other form of Beholder a while back.