It’s all so complicated. I am certainly unused to writing things out in more than 140 characters. SAD!
@Kassandra SUBMIT
PAY 2 @DreamboatSkanky
BUY Directional_Antenna
MISSION 4
END
I wonder what other commands might be supported, but are as yet undocumented. What would a rogue KISS ME get, inserted into the syntax, I wonder? Or perhaps, LOOK TAVERN?
> iotrap.newliminted: 0x8a2afb79f92bfc6f190e86f08833e5724c1ef677
“Roger that, newliminted - these orders have been submitted! You can overwrite these orders with a new submission.”
✖ pay 2 @dreamboatskanky
[ERR] Player '@dreamboatskanky' does not appear to exist in this reality. :(
✔ buy directional_antenna
✔ mission 4
“Don’t you worry your pretty head one bit. I bet you come back in one piece just fine.”
“Jonesy! Hey, Jones!”
“Gods-damned furball-heaving lazy-ass waddlin’ sack of allergens… where the hell did he get off to?”
BAM BAM BAM!! Click-sssshhhh!
“Jones, you in there?”
“Jesus, okay, sorry. Pardon me for respirating.”
SLAM!!
“You’d think they’d segregate the crew quarters by atmosphere at least. Maybe this one… Hey, Jones!!”
BAM BAM BAM!! Click-sssshhhh!
“The hell you want, lizard?”
“AAAAAIIIIEEEEEEE!!!”
“…what?”
“Holy Uranus, what the hell are you doing?!”
“Trying to have a moment of privacy.”
“With… with that… that…”
“Shut your mandible right there. I won’t have you using bigoted language while there’s a lady present.”
“That’s a ***lady?!?!***”
“And a classy one, at that. Gimme some sugar, sweetcheeks. The boss and I gotta get to work.”
Smoooch!
“I think I’m gonna puke…”
“Tex, I warned you once about this racism of yours, I’m not gonna…”
“It’s not racism, you dumb kitty, I don’t care if you bone every sawbellied alien in the sector, but do you know who that was?!”
“We hadn’t quite gotten to the ‘exchanging Space-o-Gram IDs’ stage yet…”
“Why, you horncat! You’re in here mixin’ DNA with Gigan herself, and you don’t even know her name?!”
“That was Gigan?”
“The beak and the blade weren’t dead giveaways?”
“Huh. I always thought Gigan was… taller, somehow.”
“That’s movie stars for you. You know the camera adds about forty meters.”
“Guess she’s fallen on hard times if she’s working here.”
“Where the hell did you find her?”
“Aft Maintenance Deck. She’s senior machinist’s mate.”
“Don’t they have some kind of anti-fraternization rule?”
“Not as strong as yours, apparently. Still don’t see what you’re so grossed out about.”
“Well, if the claws and the blade and the laser eye weren’t kinky enough, she’s got those past associations…”
“What? You, of all people, are a fine one to talk about past associations.”
“Well, you never saw me cozyin’ up to Megalon!”
“That was just a youthful indiscretion.”
“Also, she’s a known lizard-basher.”
“Hey, you happen to belong to an uncommonly belligerent family. I can’t name a species you haven’t fought.”
“Well, there’s also her romantic past.”
“I told you: Megalon didn’t mean a thing to her.”
“How the hell do you know? You didn’t even know you were stickin’ it to Gigan, and now you’re suddenly an expert?”
“You know shipboard romances, Boss. Catch as catch can.”
“Maybe for tomcats like you, Jones. Others of us prefer to be more selective about whom we display our cloaca to.”
“Ugh. So much for my lunchtime appetite. Hey, what the hell did you want, anyway?”
“I need an exosuit. Ship’s stores don’t have any lizard-spec suits left.”
“That’s what you get for taking six hours to sleep off that hangover after I saved your ass from Watney.”
“Saved me? I woulda handled that guy all by myself.”
“Sure. Keep tellin’ yourself that.”
“Hey… how’d you get a stateroom here? Did you sign up?”
“Naw, this scavengin’ gig ain’t worth my time. 'Sides, they really don’t have a suit in my size. Not much call for Battlecats in this industry.”
“Battlecats? No room for Cringers either.”
“You want this suit or not?”
“Where’d you get this?”
“Came with the stateroom. Think they used to ferry around the occasional corporate commodore in this suite, so they kept a pressure suit around, mostly for show.”
“Lemme try that on.”
Zip, rustle, buckle, clink, zip, hiss, squeak
“Whaddaya think, Jones?”
“Huh. Has a certain vintage charm. Although, frankly, it looked better as a bedspread. Surprisingly soft and sensual, too…”
“Waitaminute!! You mean you and Gigan were… on top of my suit?!”
“Aw, keep your wig on. We didn’t get any fluids inside the damn thing.”
“God, I have never been so thoroughly grossed out in my whole entire…”
“Hey, did you pick a mission yet? I overheard one of the lobsters saying you’d be stuck doing the orbital debris patrol.”
“Rock sweeping? With my resume? You gotta be kidding. I got just enough POW to carve into CS-8414 and start bringin’ home the shiny stuff.”
“Good for you. Best get to steppin’, Boss. Tick-tock.”
“How have you not been thrown off this tub yet? You gonna get a payin’ berth?”
“I’m keepin’ my options open. Shut the door on your way out. Oh, and don’t forget to punch in yer orders.”
“I know what I’m doin’, Fake XO. Gigan-banger.”
“At least I’m gettin’ some action, Tex. Only ass you’ve seen lately is in your signature.”
“Mine doesn’t have serrated edges.”
“Hmm. No, I guess it doesn’t. Not that that makes it any prettier to look at.”
Hey, @Kassandra
Mission 3
End
“Damned corporate protocols…”
@Kassandra SUBMIT
MISSION 3
END
Hm - can’t seem to find a syntactically correct set of orders in there. I’ll let the boss know.
These orders are on file - the first set wound up confusing poor kassandra, but that will be fixed here in a moment.
Mission 1 Update
With about a day to go, here’s the current mission roster
5 scavengers on Mission 1: Like a Record, Baby
4 scavengers on Mission 2: The Hot Rock
2 scavengers on Mission 3: Bright and Shiny
2 scavengers on Mission 4: Pre-flight checklist
We are short-handed on Mission 3. Vi (@gwwar) and Seelo (@SeaLion) have the U and the POW. Ester, you are also good for Mission 3 if you can raise 2U.
Coccinea M Ornatus’ (@othermichael) is also yet to submit his/her/hir/hrm/hse orders.
(Pronouns can be subtle in Charybdis.)
These results provided on a “best efforts” basis and are subject to revision.
Be safe out there!
–Hans Landau
Dakota, entering the mission bullpen, approaches the cybernetic lobster Landau.
"Ho there, Landau! I’m Dakota Hoofington. Thanks for the mission reports that you’ve been compiling. Are you perchance familiar with the “David Falkyn” school of thought around Space Mercantilism? I wouldn’t blame you if you not familiar with his work. We had the honour of benefiting from his work last time we were in Charybdis. He’s most well known for his catch phrase:
‘Enjoy Today. Make Money. Stay Alive.’
“I only mention it because you’re doing awfully similar work as the late Captain Falkayn, Spacegods rest his soul, and frankly, you more than honour his good name by continuing his work.”
Pleased to make your acquaintance, Dakota.
Mr Falkayn and I have commonalities – we both originated in the Terran system – but he was unhygenically Earthborn and far too committed to that legacy gravity well. He also had an atavistic fixation on “profit.”
Mr. Falkayn exalted the mathematics of cooperation, but his analysis was grounded in Axelrodian equilibrium. As a Prigoginist, I see equilibrium as a constraint, not a desired end point.
So while I share Falkayn’s profound belief in the vitality of group co-ordination, I embrace that nothing lasts - especially in Charybdis.
What is your driving philosophy, Dakota? What gets you out of bed in the morning? What impossible dream compels you into the future?
That is what matters, my dear moose, not outdated anarcho-capitalist fetishes.
Let’s see what we can create today.
Be safe out there!
–Hans Landau
"My driving philosophy? What keeps me serving under someone like Browf Clamphoof?
"I smuggled myself aboard the Cosmosword to get away from the country bumpkin town of meese that was Yukonia-6, in the Alces sector. I didn’t know what would happen next. Maybe I would use my hacker skills to make some coin. I somehow survived in Charybdis long enough to veteran the battle of the Great Penny.
"Maybe I only survived by helping a fellow spacemoose, taking pity on him for his antique universal translator. Maybe he saw in me what he saw in himself. Or is that the other way around? Either way, he saw something that made him go out of his way to secure my ‘grit’ (as we called it then), at first with money, then with honesty, then by actually giving a damn about me.
"I haven’t seen my family in years now and I don’t much care for them. Browf is … not the smartest, or strongest, or wisest of spacemooses, but he’s one of the kindest, most loyal person, without demanding loyalty in return.
“And that’s probably why he’s earned mine. The Cosmosword is the closest thing I have to a home. The closest I feel …”
Dakota turns away from Landau and trails off.
“We have to get that ship back.”
@Kassandra CHECK
BUY Mag_Boots
MISSION 3
END
Hm - can’t seem to find a syntactically correct set of orders in there. I’ll let the boss know.
Those are a totally legit set of orders and they are confirmed as on file for the turn. I love bugs! Fix one thing, break another.
@Kassandra SUBMIT
MISSION 4
END
I may be made of interlocking bits of metal and coiled sounds, but it gets cold in space. Fortunately, my granny knit mon père a suit some years ago, and it came with me when I left the plantations:
Now, does anybody have 2 spare juice to help a fellow with obtaining an antenna?
In fact, I do. But I’m a Space Lizard. So what’s in it for me?
Fucking Tex Ass. As always, “what’s in it for me?” Look, buddy, I know we just met and all, but don’t trust this jerkwagon to not leave you stranded somewhere for, oh, I don’t know, 550 sols. Like Mars. In fact, just trust that he’ll leave you on Mars and then you’ll never be disappointed.
I’ve got your two bits, just to make sure you don’t get into debt with him.
@Kassandra SUBMIT
BUY Directional_Antenna
PAY 2 OtherMichael
MISSION 1
END
Well Done Watney (@SteampunkBanana)!
Coccinea M Ornatus (@othermichael ), you have the juice you need. Please update your mission orders before the deadline!
Let’s see what we can create today.
Be Safe Out there.
–Hans Landau
Sigh… try to help a cybernanner out, and here comes Watney again to sow discord and moan about imagined slights and his apparently boring Martian vacation one valley over from one of the most hedonistically well-outfitted casino colonies in the Solar system. Look, I’m sorry we didn’t tell you Mars was colonized before any of us were born! We thought we could all laugh about it over beers! And then the ship’s controls froze and Esmeralda dove out the airlock and Smitty murdered No-Nuts in a rage of grief, and then the supplies began to run low, and we had to eat Smitty a few weeks later, and I’m not proud to admit it, but by that time we’d plumb forgot about you, especially when we got picked up by that ICUP patrol a couple minutes after we finished off Smitty and wasn’t that embarrassing, so I dunno why they never asked after Lt. Watney, I guess they figured we’d eaten you too, and then we had to ride in the ship’s brig all the way back to Charybdis…
Bygones, man! Can’t they just be bygones!
Well, thank you, potato-man! If that wasn’t an unusually condensed speech of yours, I don’t know what is.
@Kassandra SUBMIT
BUY mag_boots
MISSION 4
END
