Badass Dragon Scavengers of the Void - Round 5 - Intermezzo

  > iotrap.daneel: 0x5a3f3f7f97fc3ff0533e42859fe1ef8993e3a407

“Roger that, daneel! Your orders now on file for this round are:”

✔ mission 1


How 'bout that Hans “Martin Solo” Landau?

And Browf “Tuberslave” Clamphoof?

“Suckulent” Spike Greenarm?

Dottie “Matrix”?

Ted “Significant Figures” Rump?


How about “Cut and Shoot”, Tex Ass?


Hans - thank you for inviting me outside the ship. I did not realize we could leave our closets. I wonder if there are any space-eeling rods in the ship’s stores?

I am programmed to ignore inferences that I am not human, and will not recall saying this.


Omicron Nu Pi, PhD - she’s a “Good Dog, Brent”


Tom “Perfectly Normal” Ratchetcrank


“Hey look, there’s ‘Pantsuit Polly’ Ester! Hyuk hyuk hyuk!”


“Boss, what the hell are you doing?!”

“Oh, now I hear ‘Jinglebell’ Jonesy purring into my ear! C’mon, do me now!”

“Tex, you ain’t making any friends out there.”

“Aw, who needs 'em? Did you see what I just pulled off last mission? I never got touched! And lookit all the salvage! Juuuuuuuuice!”


Ha! There’s “Very Naughty Boy” Brian!


Well one thing’s for sure, I am not the messiah.


“Goldie” Locke?


After all that salvage you hauled back from that last mission, we should call you Tex Ass “Haul”


That works. I was gonna go with “Vi-olently thrown out the air-” Locke, but it lacks a certain economy of wit.


I was thinking “Martian” Landau. Or perhaps Hans “Judicious”.

How about Tex Ass “Toast”?

Coccinea M. Ornatus could be “Cavendish”. Or “Cuban Red”.


“Martian Landau gets my vote, if only because it’ll annoy Watney.”

“Boss, what the hell has gotten into you? Are you drunker than usual?”

“Naw, I’m soberer than a Romulan judge. Fulla Romulan ale. From Romulus.”

“Oh, Jeezy Chrysler. Turn around.”


“Tex, what’s that green stuff oozing out of the seat of your suit?”


“How many vials of Green Goop did you turn in?”

“Goop? I dunno… a couple?”

“Did you sit on one?”


"Oh, for the love of… get down to decontam, right now! And until you get down there… no more nicknames!!"


Is that Tex Ass Tea?


“Inorganic” Ester?


Perhaps, like the rest of us, she listens to you and Watney drone on in a slightly sing-song fashion with most of the brain shut down or shunted to other activities?


I AM USING MY FULL BRAIN CAPAICTY AT ALL TIMES! As if a banana even has a brain!

(Actually, lalala I can’t hear you I’m relaxing at Mar-a-Lagoon nebula)


“I have spent time around some significant figures in my day. Nothing lower than a nine, I can promise you that. But as for nicknames, I’ve been talking to a lot of people, really good people. Smart people. And, I’m not saying I accept it, mind you, but a lot of people have been saying that my nickname should be TheHerodore “the eel-slayer” Rump. It’s flattering really, accurate, too. But I didn’t suggest it, it’s what other, really great people have been using.”

Theodore looks at the Canine, frowning. “I categorically oppose the idea being called Golden Pants.” Don’t even suggest it, biscuit breath.


Given your demonstrated performance and purported wealth, perhaps The Gold Brick would be a preferred appellation?

What, oh what should I be called?


That’s delightfully abstruse, but not a moniker that makes for much sense (not that non-sensical is non-desirable, but this hints at sense without approaching it).

How prosaic.


Now, to find my monocle and top-hat back, and rest my gears a bit…