Badass Dragons of the Wasteland - Round 6 Prologue

-“Query: has a proton pack been procured?”

-“How’m I s’posed to know? What’s a proton pack?”

-“A portable particle accelerator utilized for the containment of negatively charged ectoplasmic entities. To you it would resemble a hard plastic backback, with a rather slapdash assortment of hoses and knobs and dials attached, unless the technology has advanced since Dr Spengler went into retirement. Here is a concept illustration from the original schematic package:”

-“One of those old guys they brought back from the Westside had something like that. Clankenstein was trying to hunt down some D batteries for it.”

-“That will not be necessary. Please provide the Mechanic with this.” Marion grunted softly, and a lumpy brown semisolid cylinder emerged from a slot next to the lavatory door. Its shape and size were reassuringly in the D battery range, yet the color and texture offered more disturbing associations. Another grunt, and a second cylinder joined the first.

-“Ew. Marion, did you just take a dump?”

-“Provide these cylinders, and you will find the power output of the proton pack to be vastly increased.”

-“Okay… thanks. I guess.”

-“You are welcome, young man.”

-“But why do we need more power out of the… proton thingy?”

-“It is axiomatic in these troublesome times that ‘more power’ is always welcome.”

-“But what does it even do? And how did you know we had one if you didn’t see it arrive?”

-“I’ve told you what it does. And I sensed its positronic residual emissions, even with flat batteries, upon its arrival. A poetic mind might opine that ‘like calls out to like.’ We are both Stark’s children, in a metaphorical manner of speaking.”

-“That guy Billy just keeps saying he’s gonna ‘bust some ghosts’ with that thing.”

-“An unfortunately narrow, if not wholly inaccurate, description of the proton pack’s capabilities. If this mission to the fourth planet is to achieve unqualified success, we will need to construct another, somewhat larger proton pack for use at our destination.”

-“Can we do that?”

-“I am inclined to estimate the odds for potential success by our Mechanics at a range exceeding eight point four percent.”

-“That doesn’t sound good.”

-“Those odds can be improved.”


-“We need to restore everyone’s missing fingers.”

-“How do we do that? Nobody’s mutated enough to grow anything back, except maybe for Momo, and she’s not missing anything, as far as I know.”

-“I received the databurst from the construct you refer to as ‘Stretch’s Head’, and it reveals that the Stretch series of repairbots possess a surprisingly robust fabrication subroutine. With the appropriate raw material fed into their on-board 3D printer and a suitably intact specimen as a template, the Stretchbots can indeed generate new and viable organic material in the form of replacement limbs and organs.”

-“Marion… why the hell don’t you tell us this kind of stuff earlier?”

-“One does tire of waiting for someone to ask. I suppose I should be more forthcoming with information such as this.”

-“I’ll say. So… what do we hafta get?”

-“We will need organic matter… human flesh and bone, to be specific, and preferably that which has not been irradiated or exposed to the contaminations of the last decade.”

-“Where are we supposed to find that?”

-“Any cemetery containing burial vaults at least five feet below the surface that predate the War will contain such material. And we’ll also need fingers, as intact as possible, to use as templates.”

-“Can’t we just use our own…?”

-“The template will be consumed during the replication process, so cadavers would be the preferred donors.”

-“Yeah, okay. Nobody wants Stretch eating their fingers in order to make new ones.”

-“I concur.”

-“Anything else we’ll need?”

-“The recovered flesh samples will decompose quickly once exposed to air. We will need to process and replicate and attach the fingers fairly immediately after the samples are exhumed. We will need a mobile medical station well equipped to handle both the finger procedures and the fabrication of a large scale proton pack prototype.”

-“Where will we find that?”

-“Three suitable vehicles were known to exist prior to the War. Two were in excellent condition before the War, but are inconveniently out of reach: one in Florida, and the second… well, in a tough spot. The third was in storage in Culver City, awaiting restoration, until it was moved to Burbank shortly before the War. That one is most likely to have escaped the attention of raiders and marauders who would covet its exotic weaponry, eye-catching good looks, and luxuriantly comfortable ride. Its last known location will prove conveniently close to a promising subterranean source for gently-used biotic manipulator digits: the Warner Bros Studio, across the river from Forest Lawn Hollywood Hills.”

-“I know where that is. What exactly will we be looking for?”

-“The vehicle, when last photographed, looked like this:”

-“Christ, what a shitheap.”

-“Language, young man. I am confident that much of the equipment we’d need still remains with the chassis, since few indeed would recognize the importance of most of the specialized gear. Most of the damage in the picture is cosmetic. One of the other vehicles might still be at Paramount Studios in Hollywood, just over the wall from Hollywood Forever Cemetery, but that location was overrun and ceded to the Undead weeks before the bombs fell. The Hollywood Forever Undead are not mindless zombies. No, they experience a very different life-in-death. I would not recommend infiltrating their domain unnecessarily. Although it is true that there is a potentially useful cache of technology at the Paramount lot…”

-“Like what? What could we find at an old movie studio that could possibly help us?”

-“After all this time, perhaps nothing. But when I was younger, before you were born, there were whispers among the Stark Industries technicians that certain theoretical prototypes had been improperly sold to the Paramount prop house by a disgruntled Stark employee. If true, then some of the items located therein, even if they look like cheap toys, might actually have some real-life utility. Perhaps something like this:”

-“What the hell does that thing do?”

-“We won’t know for sure unless we find it. There may be other similar items hidden in the Paramount prophouse. And if anyone heads to Warner Bros, they should investigate the other vehicles in the studio garage. If they’ve survived until now, some might prove useful. But especially one of those Cadillacs.”

-“You make it sound like a gold mine, Marion”

-“As a poet of some renown once said, ‘we got a long way to go, and a short time to get there.’ Anything that can help speed the process will enhance our chances of survival.”

-“Survival? We’ve done okay so far. You almost sound… worried.”

-“Other parties have been made aware of my presence and my capabilities. It will not be long before they attempt to forcibly remove me from the Ark.”

-“We won’t let 'em. Don’t worry, Marion. You’re part of our family now. We’ll keep you safe.”

-“Thank you, young man. I would be pleased to remain in your service.”


Personally, I’ve got my eyes out for one of these.


I actually touched one once, at CBS Studio Center in Studio City, where they used to shoot Seinfeld and That 70s Show and Newhart, circa 2005.

I think it was there for use in an episode of Yes, Dear or something.

Good call. I’ll have to see if one survived.

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Time for a new liver.


[OOC] I saw one recently going down the highway. I do not know what’s under the weiner hood but that thing could move.

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Probably a bigass V8!

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I hate to be all materialistic, but did we get paid for round 5?

Not yet you didn’t. @JonasEggeater, 25LPs all around, also Channing’s due a bonus, and 5LP to the inactives chained to the Ark. Let me know if I’ve forgotten anything. Oh, and don’t forget the fuel obtained by the Mission 4 guys.

Army used to treat us well y’know. Any chance of a Death In Service grant for digits lost in the course of duty, eh?! If I were handing in an Army chit form I’d have lost … 35 fingers.


What’s this Prologue shit?

Round Six begins here.

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