Badass Dragons of the Wasteland - Round Four

The Major and I find ourselves in agreement on the latter count, but I recall Jane letting him know when we got back from the beach that he was 7 HP down from his maximum of 38.

Good point, well made.

There is this, though.

It’s been suspiciously quiet on the old upgrades front. May be this is the only way to get a boost; is that worth 10LP?

The Messenger, Toecutter, is not coming.

He did not choose the way of Peace.

His [fear of Blazer][1] overcame the good he could have communed. He left me this final message:

“I tell you this: we’re coming for that Ark, we’re coming hard and fast, and we have no intention of going to another planet.”

– Bubba Zanetti
[1]: Badass Dragons of the Wasteland - Round 2

I shall keep one eye specially open, just for him.

Just another old hermit clinging to past glory. If he turns from the way of the Craftsman then all that will remain for him is rust.

This, proves one thing. If I know anything but driving, I know rock-paper-scissors, and I know poker.

Fleetwood has the strongest hand.

Toecutter has the second strongest hand.

By all appearances, we have the weakest hand.

Toecutter wanted to take the pot (Ark) before Fleetwood did, because once Fleetwood gets it, Toecutter will be unlikely to get it back. Thus, when his attempt at diplomacy failed, his outright declaration of assault.

But, what both Fleetwood and Toecutter don’t know is: we’re still holding our ace, Stretch’s head.

To best Stretch’s head we need all available mechanics on 2a.

For the Mechanics to do their job, we need most every good scout on 3.

The majority of guns should be in 2b. I know Cougar is promising you less, but if we get most of the group swapping from mission 1 to mission 2b, then she should shift the rewards accordingly. And she and Blazer should thank the living fuck out of Bubba for being so good at counterintel.

That leaves, Mission one.

Mission one needs the best gun. Whomever the best gun is, give that person one (or two) of the 50cals for our Naval haul to grease the skids.

Mission one needs the best scout. Whatever can be done to tune that scout (Lucky Stark Charms and/or some of that Stark Fuel) should be donated for great pwnage.

Mission one needs the best hauler, that’s me. All I ask is that I get healed for this mission. And a thick slice of deep dish pepperoni with mushrooms.

That’s 4 of us: Cougar, best escort, scout, and me. I didn’t hear anything about mechanic-specific challenges at the chapel, but if someone notes one, then we could use our best there.

Look Mission one folks, this may well be a suicide mission. We need to stay alive and “Entertain” Fleetwood long enough for the scouts to find the cipher keys, and for the mechanics to crack them. But, Fleetwood has not yet declared open war on us, whereas, Toecutter has.

Jack, you’re a goddamned loudmouth. Now them ain’t fightin’ words; you know as well as I do that it’s a simple statement of the obvious. I’ve just spent the last thirteen hours inside the cab of the Marion crawler-transporter with Cougar, and there happens to be some important shit we’ve learned and we don’t need you “wond’rin’ aloud” out here in front of everybody and their mutant stepchildren about what we’re trying to accomplish.

You don’t want to hang around the Ark for less than your quoted rate, don’t. Go blow something up instead. But the last thing we want to do is draw unnecessary attention to what we’re doing. Yeah, dragging a 300-foot titanium boner through the middle of L.A. isn’t exactly low-profile. But that Bubba character brought up a point that got Cougar an’ me to thinkin’, and then the kid brought something else to our attention that changed the stakes.

We’re still going to Edwards. If we make it, we’re still going to Mars. Those are what you call True Facts. But it has become vitally important that nobody dig any deeper or all those people out there in the Wasteland, Fleetwood chief among them, are gonna stop laughing at our ridiculous idea and start paying attention to things we don’t want them paying attention to.

You understand me? Or do I gotta sic Cougar on you? You’re already on her fecal list, y’know.

I get you, man. A lotta ins, lotta outs, lotta what-have-you’s. And, uh, lotta strands to keep in your head, man.


Bloody convicts. Useless, the lot of them. Criminality rampant in the genes, y’see? Always said transportation was too good for them.

Present company excepted, I’m sure.

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Hey! HEY!!

Who the fuck has been in contact with Toecutter without mentioning it to me?!

That skunk-streaked sonofabitch is a dangerous psychotic, and the last thing we need is him sniffing around here! What’s been going on? Somebody tell me who’s been talking and what’s been said, or I swear to dead cybernetic Dog I’m gonna start tearing off heads and stuffing them down SHITGO thrones!

If there’s somebody in camp who’s been in cahoots with that murderous motherfucker, they’d better state a good goddamned reason for it. I admit, you guys don’t know the entirety of what’s at stake here, but the stuff that you do know (all of which is 100% true) is high-stakes enough that none of you oughta be contemplating betraying it! You wanna get off this planet or not?

And anyone even considering letting Toecutter or any of his associates, past or present, near me, Cougar, or the Ark, had better think real hard about whether they got the FP and HP to take on me and my family.

(stomps off)

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Bubba, Blazer knows nothing of your past. You remember you were my contact, not his.

For the love of all you value, do not let him know of your previous association with Toecutter. He’ll never understand. Blazer doesn’t get how relationships can change. He just doesn’t work that way.

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You make a solid argument. I have been questioning my instinct to punish the sinner Fleetwood. Wrath is a sin I do enjoy indulging in, and one I would relish bringing upon Fleetwood but I must remember my better nature. My stated goal in life is to be support for glorious Tool Wielders of the UAW. My place is by their side protecting them as they work their wonders within the crawler.

I will sign up for 2b. I can’t haul the Ark on my lonesome but I am quick and have a decent amount of FP and AR. With the upgrades Cougar is promising I should be able to gun down my share of Toecutter’s gang.

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The quickest escort should be on 3, keeping our scouts alive. Who’s that?

Fink’s definitely the one bringing the firepower to the party. He should be on 1.

Try these.


If I were to look at what Scouts are supposed to be best at, it’s SPeed and ManeuVerability. The Chief (@Tetrix) is by far the Fastest Indian with a good bit of maneuverability to bring along. Bubba (@bizmail_public) is by far the most mobile, with decent speed and the most Scout firepower to boot. But the guy who ranks highest in both who I’d vote to send off on this is the Major (@peregrinus_bis) who matches nearly both Bubba and the Chief while providing a good helping of Luck.

I think throwing in a gun to this Scout would be good, but I’m willing to start the pot with a box of +50 Lucky Churms (tm Stark-Ko!) from my personal stash to get whoever volunteers to go with Junior.

I’m still gunning after Mission 3 myself, but if nobody else steps up, I’ll go on 1 and see if there’s still a speed upgrade kicking around in camp…

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Considering I am faster than all but two scouts I would have bet you a few LP I was the fastest escort. I would have lost those LP. Momo is the fastest escort and faster than any scout we have by a fair bit. You scoot that Imperial Momo.

Our five fastest players are:

Momo, Escort, SP:80
The Swede, Scout, SP: 78
The Major, Scout, SP: 75
Jack Knife, Escort, SP: 68
Honey Mallone, Scout, SP: 66

How many do you folks figure we should send out on the speed run?

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She likes to move it move it.


I would say you and Momo (@patrace) with the scouts, Fink (@monsterzerozero) at the Citadel with Nervous (@kingannoy), and the rest of us at the Ark. Or something like that,anyway. Highest FP for the skeet shooting, fastest to escort the scouts.

Hey, Ginger (@donald_petersen) - don’t suppose you’re prepared to tell us just how much you’ll fix us up for watching this here Ark, are you? Or does that fall under this “Need to know” malarky too?


Okay, I am crunching some numbers.

We have 26 members of our happy crew.

We need three people for mission 1
I am assuming our glorious UAW Tool Wielders are going to work on the head. That means three of them on 2a(at least count)
If we send five on mission 3 we should be good.
That leaves 26-3-3-5=15 people on mission 2b defending the Ark.

We need our absolute best at the Citadel. That comes first.
Our highest TQ Mule is Burton
Our highest FP Escort is definitely Fink (how the heck did he get that number!)
Our highest SP and MV scout is the Major.

You three should be able to handle whatever challenges Fleetwood wants to throw at you at his games.

Next is the Cipher Scout run.
Two escorts and three scouts should run this one.
That means me and Momo at escort
and The Swede, Honey, and Desmond Baltar.

Everyone else who isn’t a UAW hacking Stretch should be on defense duty on the Ark.

Also, the folks going to the Citadel are the best of the best and the only one judged on FP is Fink (and he doesn’t appear to need anymore).

The Mechanics working on Stretch don’t need FP

The folks defending the Ark are all getting a bonus to FP and AR.

That helps make the question of the .50 Cals a bit easier to answer. I would suggest they go to the folks making the Scout Cipher run. I realize that includes me, so if that seems a little self serving I understand, I am certainly open to other interpretations of our best allocation, but judging by the numbers this seems the best way to position ourselves. (Also the second time I have decided on a different mission this round. Sorry about the indecisiveness.)


I believe we may have neglected to mention the costs of upgrading recently as it relates to the Repair Points system recently instituted by The Craftsman. Mechanics are free to charge whatever they deem appropriate for their service, but as found, scrounged, or traded Upgrades may be considered to be simple bolt-on accessories, they do not count against a Mechanic’s Repair Point tally. If he has 15 Repair Points remaining and you need 13HP repaired and a +10FP .50cal gun installed (or whatever the FP improvement might have been), then he can fix you up those 13HP (provided they do not exceed your 75% maximum, if applicable), and also install that gun at no additional penalty to his Repair Points tally.

Upgrades purchased from junkyards (and we’re not done with them yet, though there aren’t any in the immediate vicinity for Round 4) will be installed immediately for free, as always.

As for this Round, we have unlimited Parts from Stretch’s junkyard, and whatever Upgrades we’ve found that haven’t been installed yet. Foreign cars are still limited to 75% Repair from our Mechanics, but not for much longer.

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