Quessstions mussst be asssked.
Why isss the Coalisssion offering no bounty on Tiny?
And what of Pete? He hasss an underssstandable antipathy towardsss Pedge. How clossse isss he to Tiny? Will usss outlawsss find ourssselvesss frozsssen out of repairsss?
We ssshould keep a close eye on the Ssscylla. Ssshe isss a threat to all of usss. We don’t want to find ourssselvesss caught between Ssscylla and Charybdisss.
Oh.
Bollocks.
Archive Ministry Record: 25402WE09-L
Ship: Grey Mouser
Captain: Lord Fritz
All hail the Supreme Intelligence! Operation “Same Shit, Different Day I” was a boring success. As we calculated, our mission was low risk, and thus we have been compensated for a relatively low reward. I feel we have lost sight of our primary directive: to experience life. Once one acquires all the data in the known universe, and is plugged into every sentient being’s neural network, there isn’t anything else to do besides to go out and experience things. Life isn’t worth living if no one knows you are there. All the known knowns are known, only the unknowns remain to be found. The people of Leiberia are counting on us to fully experience life and to report back those experiences. If we didn’t have that we would probably be hell bent on exterminating inferior species. (Who wants that load of work?)
Ugh. If I had eyes and sinuses, I would be pinching them right now. As predicted things have become complicated. It has disturbed my hibernation cycle. I keep having these weird dreams about electric sheep. The Quisquiliae sStruem has a price on her head from the attack on Don Mondo. Our first two options are to either to join in that attack, or to come to her defense. This is the exact position we were trying to avoid. I believe it was Captain Falkayn who said “Enjoy Today. Make Money. Stay Alive.” That is are good mantra.
We have to choose between a intel job on the ICUP, or baby sitting a movie star. It is extremely tempting to escort Brad Nebula, as the money is very good, and hey, come on, it’s Brad Nebula. But I feel we need to make a political move and escort the Scylla. The reward is paltry, but Pete said he would do business with us if we could provide intel. We despise Ella for her ludicrous price gouging, and Pete I more likely to find “less than legal” arms and equipment. It also allows us to have a finger dipped into each bowl, allowing us to try to adhere to neutrality. So while the reward is much, much less than escorting Brad, dealing with Pete may prove to be an invaluable advantage.
Starting Cash - $10067
Hull repair x50 = Free - hey, I guess the gov. is good for something
Mission 3 - $1000
Ending Cash - $9067 - we are hoping our money will be better spent with Pete next time.
Ship: Nitetimeistheritime (or something) - Dr Esstimpress
Can I do Mission 4?? Rather like the idea of fending Space Scum away from Brad Nebula (whattaname)
You can, but you’re going to get popped faster than a paparazzi’s flashbulb.
If you’d actually like to survive, I would encourage you to take Mission 1. The escrow payment means your expenses are covered and you’ll still have over $4,000 to upgrade your ship. Also, if no one signs up for mission 2 – which is very likely – there is a 20% chance you’ll pass the day unscathed.
Addition: notice that there is also now a $50,000 bonus pool. So Mission 1 looks to be financially rewarding – in addition to have a decent chance of survival.
Ok
Right
My initial thought is to offer $50,000 split between anyone who survives (on top of Captain Falkayn’s generous offer) AND a purple pimp hat to whoever gets the kill on Tiny. If I survive this round there is the possibility of further rewards.
I can’t imagine that your new hull siding would be installed damaged. And if it was, I’m sure Pete would fix it right up for no charge. Save your $1500 for a cask of rot-gut.
** Quisquiliae sStruem **
Starting Cash: $96180
-$50000 Reward Fund
-$10000 Purple Pimp Hat for kill shot on Tiny
**-$0, +50 HP **| Obamacare Affordable Repair Act
**-$1000, +2 HP **| 2 x Hull Repairs
**-$3000, +2 FP **| 2 x Homing Missssssiles
**-$4500, +3 SH **| 3 x Flak Bursts
**-$6000, +4 EN **| 4 x Glorious Gadgets, Gizmos and Gewgaws
**-$3000, +2 ST **| 2 x Nightshade
**-$3000, +2 LK **| Clover Soup
Total Spend: $80500
Remaining Cash: $15680
New Ship Stats:
HP: 100/100
FP: 22
SH: 33
EN: 24
ST: 22
LK: 27
Hat: Natty Topper
Grit: 18
Ssso tired of thisss.
My head saysss take the money and run, but I’d be more interesssted in taking out Nebula than nursssemaiding him. Vapid cssselebrity, playing at ssspace jockey. Plusss, where’sss the fun in killing anonymousss ssspace ssscum?
My heart sssays I never liked Tiny anyway. Alwaysss found him to be a little liar.
Unusss pro omnibusss, omnesss pro uno.
Ssshopping:
$52189.28
$689.28
Mission 1
($500)
$189.28
$4000 Escrow plus Pedge’s cash should cover repairs if I make it back.
$4189.28
edit: could do with confirmasssion from @patrace that I won’t be persssona non grata at both repair ssststionsss after thisss.
I’m not ssspending the Essscrow casssh, ssso if enough othersss sssign up to sssave Pedge (and it is a wissser choicssse for weaker ssshipsss) I’ll ssswitch over to Misssion 4.
Edit 2: ssspending sssssskippperssss cash. 1 exssstra hull upgrade.
For the HAT: Pourrais-je avoir un béret, s’il vous plait?
Ship: Zhe Shadow Pacifist
$11,158 | Starting cash
-$0, +50HP | Affordable Repair Act
-$1,500, +1FP | Homing Missiles
-$1,500, +1SH | Flak Bursts
-$1,500, +1EN | Glorious Gadgets, Gizmos and Gewgaws
-$1,500, +1ST | Nightshade
-$4,500, +3LK | Clover Soup
-$500 | Mission 4 - Space Caded
$158 | Cash remaining
Mission 4? Really?
I estimate you have a greater than 75% chance of dying. Even if you survive, you’ll be badly banged up.
Mission 1 is shaping up to have good rewards and a high chance of survival. Mission 3 also looks survivable. Why the death wish?
I implore you to reconsider.
–David Falkayn
Space Ca dead, indeed.
The Flagship that led the ambush on the ICUP advance squadron is joining ICUP Marshal Seldon to defend the Flagship that led the attack on Don Mondo.
Ain’t Life Grand?
-David Falkayn
Aha! That’s good advice. And a great analogy. Wot.
I’ll go for Mission 1 - fortune favours the wise.
Captain: Morel Lönnrot
Ship: Nordtjärnan
Purchase at Pete’s (got e’m through mail order, yeah…mail order):
Scrambler: $5000
Zotz (does it come in grape flavor?): $5000
Miner’s helmet (for solidarity with inhabitants of hollowed-out places everywhere!): $10000
That leaves a massive hull density adjustment, X30: $30,000
Leaving me with $1200
Okay, I have yet to select a mission, but I will honor fellow outlaw Cap’n Falkayn’s request
to discuss reasons for why I might take mission 2.
Reason 1) Avenge Don Mondo! Perhaps slightly irrational, but hey, I’m an android, not a robot.
Reason 2) Process of elimination. Helping an ICUP member is a no go (and a Space Lizard can’t change his scales), so no on Mission 1. Mission 3 too tough for the outlaws this time around. Mission 4 is obviously (to my photo sensors anyway) an ICUP instigated distraction designed to draw principled resistant fighters away from the real problem.
I’m sorry Captain Pedge, but my cold (and in no way affected by grafted chunks of meat) android logic is dictating that I take you out. Who’s with me?
I repeat that I haven’t signed up for mission 2 yet, but it’s where I’m seriously leaning, and not just because my gyro’s are a little (I say just a little) worn out.
Dr. Esstimpress, don’t you think it odd that Brad Nebula arrive just when the resistance is facing its most difficult
challenges? Do not be lured by the bright lights of the holo-screen.
Interesting, Falkayn. Your intriguesss go awry. What now?
The Nordtjärnan isss a mighty ssship, and now we facssse certain losssesss whatever happens. The coalition mussst be laughing at usss.
Would you rather Lönnrot died, or Pedge?
Thank you for sharing your reasoning for considering Mission 2, Captain Lönnrot.
You are in possession of one of the finest calculating engines in the Charybdis (being a ship-scale Android), so I encourage you to consider some further calculations.
What is the probability of surviving the encounter and collecting $50,000 if no else helps you out? Note that more money is lined up behind Captain Pedge – and a third of that money can be spent before the mission. Also, Captain Pedge still has more money – and friends – so his side can up the rewards if needed. Tiny is maxed out. He isn’t even offering a hat.
If any one else does help you out, thereby increasing your odds of survival, your potential payout plummets. If just two others follow your logic, you’ll make less than $17,000
If you do survive, what next? In the unlikely event you succeed, you will have killed a Marshal, (two if Captain Underpants of the TARD-iss is wise) while being an underling for one of Don Mondo’s thugs. The ICUP will put a price on your head. You will need “friends.” But you will have just killed both flagships of the revolution. Who, from the weakened revolution, will be inclined to help you?
About Brad Nebula. Of Course he is dropping by. The I.C.U.P. propaganda machine has made us the top story across several galaxies. As a Professional Publicity Whore, where else could Brad be? Frankly, the fact the we, rather than the ICUP, will be providing his security only helps us. We need the money, but even more, we need the positive publicity.
To maximize our political gain, Mr. Nebula’s security escorts would ideally include humans, Space Lizards AND Androids. The PR value on the ICUP home worlds will be priceless. Who wants to see their taxes being spent to shoot up Brad Nebula’s friends?
I would rather Lönnrot and Pedge both live. As well as Seldan, Nixon, and the rest.
–David Falkayn
Hooray!
Someone had to say it.
