Banker implicated in one of history's biggest frauds says boss beat him with a tiny baseball bat


#1

[Read the post]


#2

A banker is on trial? What went wrong?


#3

Nothing to see here, the sacrificial goat will be sacrificed and everything will be okay. No need to look any further. Nuh uh. Move along, now.


#4

A tiny baseball bat calls for an equally tiny violin:


#5

This, of course, is a rounders bat and not a baseball bat at all.


#6

We would all like to hit you with a tiny bat, bick drain!


#7

that is far too large a violin my friend, you’ve got to play a Trump.


#8

I don’t get it, why would a system filter drick bain?


#9

I always thought that giving out those tiny bats at baseball games by the thousands was asking for trouble, but alas, trouble rarely came by it.

Much better would have been to somehow get a shipping container’s worth sent to a soccer match on some other continent, with instructions to hand each patron one as they enter.

Now that’s how you make good television!


#10

Actually it is “brick Dain”, implying that he is dumb as a brick and short as a dwarf (such as Dain son of Nain).


#11

Well a banker. But it sounds like the foolish chap admitted responsibility for what he had done. Rookie mistake.


#12

A man becomes preeminent, he’s expected to have enthusiasms.


#13

Mathew no longer works for the bank.

Well, yeah, I should hope not!


#14

I thought they kept those bats chained to the counter in the C Suite.


#15

Fear not, he’s been replaced by someone who’ll keep his mouth shut when they do it again in a few years, after they’re forced to pay fines totaling 1/10,000th of the money they stole.


#16

“That clown car I was sold only fit 10 clowns and not 20 as advertised!”

“I’m sorry, this is the Serious Fraud Office. You want the Silly Fraud Office down the hall.”


#17

#18

Is the Serious Fraud Office just down the hall from the Insignificant Fraud Office and the Ministry of Silly Walks?

This story validates my theory that we never graduate from high school, the HS petty pecking order remains in place throughout our long, long lives.


#19

From the Roskill Report, which led to the creation of the Serious Frauds Office:

The public no longer believes that the legal system in England and Wales is capable of bringing the perpetrators of serious frauds expeditiously and effectively to book. The overwhelming weight of the evidence laid before us suggests that the public is right. In relation to such crimes, and to the skilful and determined criminals who commit them, the present legal system is archaic, cumbersome and unreliable. At every stage, during investigation, preparation, committal, pre-trial review and trial, the present arrangements offer an open invitation to blatant delay and abuse. While petty frauds, clumsily committed, are likely to be detected and punished, it is all too likely that the largest and most cleverly executed crimes escape unpunished. The Government has encouraged and continues to encourage ordinary families to invest their savings in the equity markets, particularly in the equities of formerly state-owned enterprises. If the Government cherishes the vision of an “equity-owning democracy”, then it also faces an inescapable duty to ensure that financial markets are honestly managed, and that transgressors in these markets are swiftly and effectively discovered, convicted and punished. Self-regulatory mechanisms designed to encourage honest practices are now coming into force. Where those mechanisms are abused, the law must deliver retribution, swift and sure.

Basically, frauds that require the investigators, prosecutors and courts be a bit cleverer than usual get booted up to “Serious Frauds”.


#20

In a job a few years ago I had this psychopathic boss who loved to walk into the room where I worked and expound on stuff. He always had to have something in his hand while expounding so we hid all the rulers and stray coat hangers, anything long. He never hurt anybody with his sticks but he was a bastard to work for regardless. Glad I am out of that job.