Boa probably wishes it hadn't constricted that porcupine

Originally published at: http://boingboing.net/2017/04/05/boa-probably-wishes-it-hadnt.html

Porcupines come in lime green now?

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Now would be a good time for the boa to follow the advice of The Only Band That Matters:

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Here are some subtitles for those that don’t speak the language:

Snake: [screams silently forever]

I don’t know what the gentleman is saying since I don’t speak Portuguese.

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There’s just no damn way the snake survives that. Would be a kindness to give it a quick death.

It’s not just quills all up & down its body - I’m pretty sure I saw that it can’t close its mouth, because its mouth is all full of quills too.

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And they are a kind of doggo.

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This was in the suggested videos at the end – python that ate a porcupine…

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Reminds me as a teenager I spent a lot of time in northern Michigan tromping through the woods, as well as the Chicago suburbs blading and boarding. Had a thrasher magazine hat I’d decorated with porcupine quills (cool! spiky!). Problem was, they would periodically fall out onto my bedroom floor, and I’d step on them.

Lemme tell you. Them things are well engineered to make you regret tangling with the animal connected to them.

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Fuck snakes. Mammal solidarity.

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Snek ded?

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I come from a land with no snakes. None at all. Snakes freak me the fuck out, to the point of triggering an extreme fight/flight response.

But I feel ball-shrivellingly bad for this snek.

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I’ve had a couple pet snakes. King snakes (don’t be fooled; they don’t grow big at all) acclimatize to humans pretty easily. The baby snake I had, she would curl up just under the display of my laptop while I worked at home because she liked the heat. She was so adorable, and a stone cold killer at the same time when it came time to feed.

The non-baby snake did bite me once when he was being cranky. Itself a pretty interesting experience (after the fact). Constrictor-type snakes (i.e. they squish their prey) only have gripping teeth. So the bite is like about a hundred almost-painless needles pricking you.

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Nope.

This is me an sneks …

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It’s the snake’s own damn fault. If he hadn’t allowed his limbs to devolve millions of years ago he probably could have picked those quills out.

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The animal this snake hugged, as the man says, was an “ouriço cacheiro.” This animal, coendou prehenselis in Latin, is an arboreal variety of porcupine with a prehensile tail. Its quills tend to be solid yellow or tan, rather than bi-colored or tri-colored like the quills of North American porcupines (erethizon dorsatum), which belong to a different genus. They look a lot like hedgehogs - which are called “ouriço cacheiro,” in Portugal, where they live, in distinction to the coendou prehenselis, which lives in Brazil. If you google the Portuguese name, you’ll see pictures of both; the Brazilian coendou is the one with the broad snout, and the Portuguese erinaceus is the one with the pinched face.

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Are you sure about that? I heard that his limbs were removed exactly 6000 years ago as punishment from THE LORD for tempting the woman.

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I’ll never forget seeing a porcupine in the wild. Every other animal runs away. This porcupine just went about its business as if I weren’t there, only raising its quills if I got too close. Our dogs, on the other hand, kept coming back from the woods with porcupine quills in their faces, which we’d have to pull out with pliers. They never learned their lesson…it became a routine thing. Dogs are so dumb.

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As long as they didn’t get progressively worse needlings, they weren’t too dumb… There are usually two types of dogs when it comes to porcupines: those that more-or-less learn their lesson; those who want to get even (first they come back with a few quills, next a dozen, next they look like that poor snake).

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That snake is having a bad day.

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That veggie - no sneks!