Brexit Crisis: Church of England to host Emergency Tea Parties

Will there be clotted cream? If I were in the UK, that’s probably the deciding point for me.

6 Likes

Shhh… don’t let May know…

2 Likes

The thing is, we’re undecided on that too:

13 Likes

Because back then … that would have been an ecumenical matter.

8 Likes

clotted cream and scones - mmmm…unless they are american scones…

edit - you know what - this is unfair - the only real reason I don’t like American scones is that they are too sweet and rich (and fruity) so you can’t really eat them w/ jam and clotted cream. I guess that makes a bit of sense for the historical American working ethic (easier to eat by hand w/o an elaborate tea service). I do find them also pretty dense and claggy.

that said, I would take an American Donut over any scone. Maybe we can meet in the middle and squirt some jam and clotted cream into a yeast raised donut? …

1 Like

Hey,

Don’t you talk shit about tea parties.

Remember that time when the UK was so much in need of tea, that they turned to drug dealing to feed their tea habit?

Yeah, tea is serious business.

10 Likes

You are a heathen. I may have to ignore you. :wink:

2 Likes

Will there be spotted dick?

Let us all come together over the spotted dick.

4 Likes

I am deeply concerned about that photo of the cream tea.

Those scones are terrible - very little rise and what sort of monster puts fruit in a scone that is going to be served with jam and cream? Fruit scones are for butter only.

Which leads us on to the most cardinal of sins - that cream is a shocker. Far too pale and flaccid, I fear it may be whipped cream which is of course an abomination unto the Lord. Cream teas must only be served with clotted cream which is the food of the gods.

And the weak-willed way of sandwiching jam and cream between the scone halves as shown in the photo is a further outrage; the sort of feeble compromise that satisfies neither side in a conflict that makes the Brexit debate look like a storm in an American teacup.

There are two ways making a cream tea correctly, the Cornish way and the way of the heathens who shall burn in all eternity. The correct way is split your fresh, slightly-warm scone into two halves. Then you apply a thick layer of jam - strawberry is normal, raspberry is not acceptable, blackberry jelly if you must[1]. On to that you pile as much clotted cream as is needed to keep a coronary ward going on a slack weekend.

Serve with hot tea. And don’t get me started on the cup in that photo, that looks practically homeopathic - oh dear god have Americans started trying to make cream teas?

[1] As a liberal, I am agnostic on the practice of lemon curd on scones with cream, but must admit it is delicious.

9 Likes

we want a mattress!

5 Likes

Looks like the sun may be setting…

1 Like

No, no… clotted.

Save the date: Friday 28th June 2019 is National Cream Tea Day!

https://www.creamteasociety.co.uk/national-cream-tea-day

1 Like

You nitwit!
Now I’ll have to stand in the tea chest, again!

4 Likes

If the vicar asks nicely, I can try to keep a civilised conversation with a brexiteer

The moment I see ONE crust on the cucumber sandwiches I will burn the garden and the gazeebo down

8 Likes

Vicarage Tea Parties all over the UK? How many Wicked Murders does that involve?
Considering the state of the NHS, the number of Nosy Little Old Ladies might not be high enough to solve them all, it could be problematic, and not all vicars are qualified.

8 Likes

And, given the restrictions on freedom of movement that will come along with Brexit, the traditional solution of importing small, precise Belgians to do the job will no longer be available.

10 Likes
6 Likes

I thought you were supposed to be an atheist if you wanted to be a member of the CofE.

Non, no, you’re supposed to be an atheist if you’re a priest in the CofE. If you’re just a regular member you’re supposed to have vague but not too strong feelings of belief.

3 Likes

Lemon curd makes life worth living.
I believe putting it on most kinds of pastry is never wrong.

Ok, ok, don’t put it on a sausage roll, don’t put it in those terrible bacon-cheddar scones they sell at a high-falutin’ bakery in Austin… ahem…

https://centralmarket.com/product-category/bakery/bagels-muffins-and-breakfast/scones/

(They do a serviceable almond croissant btw, but the barbarity of their scone offering makes me avoid the place 99% of the time.)

Where was I? Oh, lemon curd. Avoid Robertson’s, it’s got weird stuff in it like corn syrup, and grandma would never approve. Blech! Same for Dickinson’s (yellow dye). Go for Bonne Mamam:

What is your opinion of black currant or red currant jelly on scones?
Btw I am curious as to your objections re: raspberry.

6 Likes

Yeah, it’s definitely a thing, and it is a trend…

There’s a chart that is useful, but it’s paywalled if you have exceeded your 1 article/month so here it is just wandering around loose on Twitter:

4 Likes