So would coffee be acceptable?
My wife was all worried because the study booklet listed a ton of stuff you were supposed to know, a lot of slogging through memorizing. Then the test came and they asked her the colors of the flag. We were relieved, but in hindsight it almost seems a little patronizing. But the ceremony really was quite lovely and moving.
Congratulations!
I hope they didnât accept âEngland.â
Well mister clickbait-linking hippy scum, welcome and congrats navigating one Americaâs shittiest sets of paperwork and waits 
When a friend of mine became a citizen, congratulated him and told him he now has the right to gripe about foreigners ruining the country and the government isnât doing enough for him.
Congratulations, and itâs âelevatorâ, not âliftâ; âcolorâ, not âcolourâ; and â$20, same as in townâ, not âGod save the Queenâ.
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But I know.
I know.
It is as if I had seen it anyway.
I saw it in myself before you even posted it.
Hey, they never gave me any food before mine (four years ago). Although this is Texas, they wouldnât feed a dang foreigner anyway.
Congrats! We still have our eagle from when my wife got her US citizenship. We used to buy feeder mice at the local pet shop, but heâs grown big and strong, and now he hunts the neighborhood cats on his own!
Falcorâll fix it. You need me to explain that joke?
Thatâs an easy one. Whether you hail from Chicago, Boston, Fargo, or wherever. The inevitable moment you step outside on a sixty-four-degree day and exclaim âGod, itâs freezing out today!â the game will be up. You will have outed yourself as someone who grew up shoveling snow somewhere in the frozen wastes of the Midwest or Northeast, but whose blood has thinned by living in Southern California for more than nine months. You wonât be recognized as a native, but youâll be as Californian as youâll ever get. Native SoCal people wear the same t-shirt and huaraches in all temperatures between 55F (when they might consider socks or a hat) and 115 (when theyâll probably remove the t-shirt). But cold-weather immigrants soon lose their imperviousness to cool temperatures, and bundle up in knitted hats and parkas at embarrassingly high temperatures. At that point, theyâre past the point of no return, after which return to their native climes is impossible. Like bone density loss by someone who has spent too much time on the moon.
Thatâs when youâve become a Californian.
Just not a native. Which is okay. In San Diego and L.A., most people you meet arenât natives either.
Does this mean that an American happy mutant has to become a Canadian to even out the Doctorow/Beschizza-Canada/Britain/USA exchange?
Also, does this mean you have to start pronouncing your name bee-shihz-uh instead of beh-schitz-uh?
Any weather between 45 degrees and 95 or so is âhoodie weatherâ (please disregard if black in a predominantly white area). Hotter than 95 and you lose the hoodie, and strip down to a T-shirt. Shorts are pretty much for 50 deg and above, below 50, jeans. Shoes are more a personal choice, but a surprising number of people wear flip flops in ridiculously inappropriate venues.
As far as âCa Nativeâ, you have to be born here. As far as âCalifornianâ, as soon as you deny your motherland, and live here, thatâs good enough for us (1 point plus for when you have your first double double, -1 if you call âRalphsâ âKroegerâ or say something ridiculous like youâre going to go to the âWinn-Dixieâ or some crap like that).
Congrats Rob, I became a U.S. Citizen two years back.
Sadly, one thing they donât tell you is that if you ever decide to leave the US, you get the privilege of having to file a US tax return, both Federal & State, for the rest of your life⌠On foreign earned income that is already taxed. Sheesh, overreach much?
Hereâs to wishing for major U.S. tax reform.
Just in case anyone else is up for this little quiz:
Joseph A Biden II, drunk as a lord
Palestine or Catalonia, depending on oneâs pronunciation.
In 1492 Wilson passed on with nothing to do.
Quesadilla, TX
[quote]Who is your U.S. Representative?"
[/quote]
Lord Asbury Clementine, high commissioner, her Majestyâs carbuncle to the lower parliamentary function
Hip hip hurrah! Now donât forget to pick up your complimentary weird-ass apocalyptic snake-handling cult membership on the way out. Yes, we invented Scientology and Mormonism, but we also came up with the Church of the SubGenius, so itâs not all bad.
Congratulations, welcome!
one of us⌠one of us⌠one of usâŚ
Congrats, sir. When I was a youngster, my father would take us to citizenship ceremonies in the Federal Courthouses once a year, to reinforce to us the promise of America.
