Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2020/06/25/chuck-e-cheese-has-filed-for.html
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The question is where will drunk adults go to now when they want to start a fight in the afternoon if Chuck closes down.
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But Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza is still okay?
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Will they be auctioning of the plush costumes for pennies on the dollar? Asking for a friend.
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How will children learn that losing money in a casino is fun?
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This will have a knock on effect on acetominophen sales for all the poor bastard parents who somehow get suckered into organizing or attending a birthday party at one of those nightmarish funhouses.
After a 2 hour party there for my friend’s kid I was starting to feel like Kurtz. The horror, the horror.
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Does this mean that Mr. Gatti’s wins the kid pizza wars?
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Attend classes at Trump University?
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A few more bankruptcies and it’s “Chuck E. Cheese for president!”
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At a Trump rally? 
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Only parents know about that one!
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Well, there is some good news. No more 9th circle of hell for children’s b-day parties at least.
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They just need to get those sites in the red states open, stat! There are enough red neck, science denying yokels around to keep CEC afloat for decades. Even in my blue state of CA, the local CEC is like stepping through a portal to the deep south. The few times I’ve gone there I swear I’ve felt the brain cells melt away just from the contact high of being around that much stupid…
God I hated this place, sure you could let the kids go crazy, but the pizza was lousy, and rounding them up to go home took a lot of work. Maybe if I saw a fight I’d rate it higher.
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Last time I went was for a birthday party and they had changed the way the tickets work. Instead of getting $20 worth of tokens it was unlimited tokens for 2 hours, with the limitation that you couldn’t redeem more than 1 token every 45 seconds or so.
In order to use one of the machines that requires physical tokens (like the roll down the ramp into the wheel with the spinning holes) you would swipe the ticket and the machine would spit out a single token. So bored parents were hanging around one of the token machines, swiping the card every 45 seconds until they amassed a huge horde of tokens. Then spam one of the machines where there’s a bonus multiplier for spending money as fast as possible and come out with a veritable mountain of tickets. The ticket counting machines got backed up because people were bringing in such huge stacks, also half of them were broken. I was thinking this couldn’t be sustainable for them.
Anyway, I thought the line about the delivery business having a different name and people thinking it was a local chain being a problem sounded backwards. Nobody, and I mean nobody, is going to order Chuck-e-Cheese delivery. Literally anything else would be better. I imagine the business failed when the few people who tried it discovered what it actually was.
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I look forward to seeing what wonderful horrors one of you will make out of surplus animatronic animal musicians.
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Ahem
*Bankruptcy
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Oh, don’t worry about that! The modern video game industry has your back. Look up “loot boxes” and “live services” sometime.
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