CNN wonders if Ebola is "The Isis of Biological Agents"

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Hooray for FUD.

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Everyone knows that Ebola is the “The Hitler of Biological Agents”

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And CNN is officially the BuzzFeed of the cable networks.

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I don’t know… Doesn’t it sort of sneak up on ya?

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I thought Ebola was the bird flu of terrorism.

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There’s getting to be less and less difference between Fox and CNN.

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CNN has been copying Fox News ever since Fox News got twice the ratings that CNNs did nearly overnight.

Edit: a verb

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I accidentally twice the ratings that CNNs did nearly overnight.

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CNN is like the goofy uncle who fails horribly at trying to be hip and cool and is always trying to tell stories about stuff but can only remember half of the facts so just kind of shoots from the hip as he goes.
FOX is the crazy uncle who has conspiracy theories about everything and KNOWS the TRUTH about all and just makes stuff up when facts don’t match his reality.

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What would it even mean to be ‘the ISIS of biological agents’?

Also, are we even calling them ‘biological agents’ rather than ‘diseases’ or ‘viruses’ before somebody manages to gift-wrap them for controlled delivery?

Is it too much to ask that my pandering fear-porn make some tiny degree of sense?

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oh NOW youve done it

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Ebola has declared itself an independent virus but wants to control all other similar viruses and get them to follow its ideologies?

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Ebola Gulf A is the ISIS of biological agents. It was created by Ra’s Al Ghul from an evolved form of Ebola.

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Would this make Jon Stewart the cool uncle who shares his weed with you while the rest of the family is fighting over which minority to blame their small social security checks on?

…and John Oliver like his son, your smart cousin that you never see anymore now that he’s moved to the Big City?

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#Ebola: “The Chaperone of Biological Prom-Dances?”
#Ebola: “The Cousin Oliver of Biological Sitcoms?”
#Ebola: “The Jerry Sandusky of Biological College Football Programs?”

 

The possibilities are endless!

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That is, sadly, rather apt.

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These are only moderately important stories, but somehow creating some sort of equivalency of terror is supposed to make them more important. It was like that episode of “Get Your War On” where the hip guy tells the conservative “Sure, whatever frightens you the most.”

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Take a leaf out of the King’s book, people, and shoot your fucking TV. Please.

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CNN is the Drunk uncle of news reporting!

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