Colorado runner chokes 80-pound mountain lion to death


Originally published at:

The runner wrestled with a juvenile lion estimated to weigh 80 pounds before suffocating it to death in a park west of Fort Collins.


If I was that runner, I’d sure as hell want that cats skull for my desk.




Um… damn.


Hold small children in your arms, if you have a youngster with you…

…wave your arms and throw stones or whatever you can reach…

Not sure I’m comfortable with where this is going.


Encountered 3 mountain lions at a distance in Oklahoma. Daughter shot this grainy portrait-mode video about the time I said “Holy-sh**!” and they started running. Crazy thing is that the kids were debating taking a walk down to the Cimarron about 20 minutes before this. They would have been at the river’s edge chucking rocks in the water, totally distracted while the cats were strolling in for their evening drink.


If you find yourself too close to a mountain lion, CPW suggests you back slowly away if you can do so safely. Raise your arms and open your jacket if you have one. Hold small children in your arms, if you have a youngster with you. Speak calmly to the lion in a firm tone of voice.

But what to say?

“Okay mountain lion. I don’t like you, and you don’t like me… but I have this child. Perhaps we can work something out.”

Be sure to cover the child’s ears first, or you may end up getting quite the kicking. And that won’t impress the lion at all.

In the unlikely event of a cougar attack, fight back with whatever you have on hand and try to stay upright.

“Don’t make me beat you with this child! He’s smart enough for his age, but he’s not that sharp!”


01 seconds: a Cat is at center of screen running to the left.
07 seconds: Girl says the phase “all over there”. Upon the word “there” one cat enters from the left side of the screen and disappears behind the cottonwood.
08 seconds – 11 seconds: A second cat emerges from behind that same cottonwood heading towards the tree-line by the Cimarron.
12 seconds: the camera pans back to the left and captures the cat seen at the beginning of the video, now running between the two cottonwoods.


I’ma just leave this here…


There’s more than one way to choke a cat.


If the animal is small enough to cover with your thumb, you’re at a safe distance.

Uhh, I need more instruction before that’s a useful tip. Arm fully outstretched? If I hold my thumb right in front of my eye, it tends to block out pretty much any animal.


That’s hard core!


I find this useful advice in many circumstances.


This is just like that BS nuclear fireball ‘rule of thumb’.


This is something Chris Traeger (Rob Lowe’s character from Parks and Rec) would be forced to do and then feel horrible about.


There are easier ways to deal with cats:


Ohh, We’ve already gone there.


And/or sploosh.


Put each thumb on each eye…

… you’ll be fine.


Killing a mountain lion with your hands is bad luck. The curse is that man now has a story that no one will believe for years.