Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2019/09/20/combination-pen-and-nail-clipp.html
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Knife Wrench. For Kids!
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I can’t think of a better way to express my disdain for this 4:30 meeting on a Friday.
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This will be perfect for cataloging all of my toe nail clipping sessions! Stay organized!
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Only if I were a tech startup CEO.
[Tech startup CEO Walks into meeting barefoot, nails overgrown]
Interviewer, “I see you are barefooted.”
Tech startup CEO, “It’s the only way to truly be grounded in this world. I make all my employees walk around barefoot. If you aren’t baring your feet you aren’t baring your soul. Did you see the recreational hot coals in the break room?”
Interviewer, “Yes!”, chuckles, “I thought those were for new hires.”
Tech startup CEO, deadpan “If they can’t make it across the broken glass walkway to this meeting room, how can I expect them to break the glass ceiling.” Takes out pen.
Interviewer, “You taking notes?”
Tech startup CEO, “Yes, always. I’m noting I can’t see your feet. So how can I take you seriously?” Starts to clip overgrown toenails while staring at interviewer.
Interviewer, “You have no idea what the glass ceiling is, do you?”
Tech startup CEO continues to trim nails, “I had a board call this morning, and while I drank my locally sourced, raw, low ph alkaline , nitro infused water I talked about the most important thing, BEING GROUNDED. What I do know is that you can’t look up if you aren’t on the ground. Weak people worry about definitions of things like ‘ceiling’”
Interviewer, “Would you not mind using a toenail clipper while we talk?”
Tech startup CEO continues to trim nails, starts cutting into flesh. “No, this is a pen. I can use a pen in my own office can’t I, or are you the establishment telling me I can’t use a pen‽”
Interviewer, “You are a sociopath, aren’t you? And this whole thing is a scam?”
Tech startup CEO, uses pen nail clipper, more toes bleed, “Aren’t we all? Be truthful with yourself, this is all a scam. You are a scam. What I know is that with this pen nail clipper, I can be grounded. This pen nail clipper isn’t what bothers you, it’s the idea of being grounded that bothers you. Isn’t it‽”
Interview abruptly ends.
Above is dramatization of the kind of person that would use this device.
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“From the people who brought you the combination stapler & nose hair trimmer…”
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Nail clipper story time!
I was at Apple WWDC 2002 with my friend and coworker, “MT.” We had just watched Steve Jobs give the keynote and went outside to get lunch before starting the afternoon sessions. About 20 feet from the front of the convention center, MT suddenly sits down, pulls off a shoe and begins clipping his toenails in the middle of the sidewalk. I said “…uhh…what the hell are you doing?”
Right then, Phil Schiller and a couple of other Apple execs walked by. Phil looked down at MT clipping his big toe and just said “Nice.”
So there’s my story. Also, this seems like a good way to make sure no one ever borrows your pen.
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This would explain the neat little piles of nail clippings that repeatedly showed up in one of the stalls when I worked in an office building…
the tsa must love you @pesco 
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so short nails and no pen end? what are you supposed to chew on?
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Questions:
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Is it worse than coughing in the hand that shakes yours?
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Do the blades go get dull when the ink runs out?
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Does it come with a micro usb recorder to forever document the shock and horror of your team mates.
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Can Have the fountain pen, Mont Blanc version please? “ToeWalker Edition”
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But does it play the theme music from Firefly? It’s not proper notions-fodder if it doesn’t play some kind of tune.
Anyway, kids today don’t know they’re born. Purpose-made toenail-clippers indeed! I can remember my Mother trimming hers with the potato-peeler…
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He looks so pleased
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