And I’m the coldest, prickliest sumbitch you’ll ever meet in your entire life. Standoffish and unapproachable to the extreme. I have some interpersonal issues I need to work through, but I’m probably not that bad of a person. Wanting to work through my issues is neither changing who I am nor putting on a mask.
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Yes. I would say it is due to factors particular to yourself (some of your other comments seem to support that). I don’t doubt this is your personal experience but that is anecdotal evidence and what sent up the red flag for me was you taking that anecdotal evidence and applying it to all women under 50.
I don’t want you to feel unwelcome either and this is a good idea for a thread, i’d like to learn something myself seeing as i’ve never actually been on a date. Or been in a relationship for that matter. I’ve had to accept this is down to me not being a very social person, not sharing enough, having a resting murderface etc.
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I hear you. Maybe “be your best person” and work on yourself (as we all do). I get where you are coming from. I’ve just seen a tendency for some people to try to be the person that they think others want to date or want them to be. Sometimes that striving can be good (if it getting you to be a better person and you want the direction it is going). Sometimes it is just burying yourself to seem like someone else, which won’t work in the long run, right? I mean, we can change ourselves, grow, etc. over time but it is a lengthy process and the people we spend time with will, at some level, need to accept who we are. That doesn’t mean you want to mention your human skull collection on the first date though.
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If they’re Nazi skulls, second or third date would be OK, depending on the person. And the number of skulls.
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I don’t think people really do change. Like you can read more books or go to the gym but at a Myers-Briggs I think you just are who you are.
Seriously though, I’m a high strung person and can get a bit OCD or anxious. My (now) wife found that out a few dates in but I tried to keep it under wraps as much as possible for a while because (most) girls don’t want to date crazy. After she got to know me a bit, I was more comfortable being myself and now, over a decade of marriage later, she’s mostly used to it even though it can drive her crazy. Most people (or at least more than people like to suspect) are not “normal” and have a variety of “issues.” There is a balancing act on letting people see that (and who you are early) and keeping that shit tamped down so you don’t scare people. I don’t know how everyone else does that act. I tended to date odd people though and I find odd people are often more accepting of other folks’ weirdness.
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I don’t think that’s right. For the Myers-Briggs example, I know people who moved to the other end of the spectrum of that over a ten year period. Your environment changes you and if you’re in your 20s, you’re nowhere near mature yet (no offense to anyone). Core parts of your personality or outlook might change but LOTS of stuff about people, how they deal with the world, how they see other people, can and does shift unless people fight to keep that from happening. All IMHO of course.
I’m 46 years old. Core parts of me are the same as they’ve been my entire adult life but my behavior and a lot of how I work with people, talk to people especially, is nowhere near what it was like at 25 (thank, god). People, if reflective at all, tend to become more aware of the shit that they are unconscious of in themselves as they age. If you’re aware of it, you can work on it.
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You new Phineas Gage?
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Ha. No, I knew people who just changed as they matured. We’re not locked in stone.
I’m not pretending there aren’t limits but people really do change.
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If he/she wants to copulate on a bed of Nazi skulls, they’re a keeper!
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They do. They really really do. There is a part of me that has been the same since I’ve been conscious. But there is a lot of me that has changed a lot over the years. I’ll be 45 this summer. I am not the person I was at 30 or 20. But those people, especially the 20something, certainly thought she was THE WAY SHE WAS AND WOULD NEVER CHANGE. Its very cute looking back, but holy shit was I ever an insufferable bitch. People grow, they learn, they experience life, and they change.
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…I am. 
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Preferably not with crabs.
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Was?
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I also hate the “Just be yourself” advice. What worked for me was to change who I was, or at least what I was into. One can acquire different interests, goals and hobbies. One can learn different ways of expressing oneself. One can learn different ways of showing others who he is.
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Only dungeoness.
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(sorry!)
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