Dead Raisers, a traveling band of evangelical resurrectors

Sounds like something you’d read in a piece by Hunter S. Thompson.

Or, maybe, he was just high on the Spirit?! >.<

resurrection, my arse. science says once dead muscles are just slowly spoiling meat with no going back, same for zombies

3 Likes

Heavens they’re tasty and expeditious.

2 Likes

Do those little cookies symbolize that he was baked when he said that?

3 Likes

Now I’m gonna have to go watch the whole thing.

Obvious hack copyists of someone more renowned for this sort of talent:

2 Likes

That’s why I’ve never bought the long term zombie apocalypse fair. Just wait a week, and it’ll be over. It’s not like they’re reanimated skeletons.

I’ll bring the hatchet, i wonder which one of them will volunteer to be the subject for the demonstration?

it is sad how many different groups prey on this same self selected pool of gullible people. i guess when a bunch of people believe in an imaginary being without questioning, that same group is just as easily convinced to believe in ______________ (fill in the blank)

1 Like

His account cracked me up…

dude can’t handle his drugs…he took too much started screaming, vomited and shit himself, fell to the floor and was grinding his teeth. yep, that sounds more like a bad drug experience then a trip to hell and a divine resurrection.

1 Like

A Sufi faith healer in Pakistan killed a dude back in September. He asked for a volunteer to help him demonstrate his dope resurrection skillz. Some poor credulous sap stepped up (mind you he had a wife and kids and was the family’s only breadwinner), got his throat slit and died on the spot. Sufi faith healer bolted pretty much immediately. This is why religion is a “Bad Idea”

http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2014-08.html

I dont have a clever gif or an amusing joke.

But I do have a real story about bringing a dead person back to life.

If you count using cardiopulmonary resuscitation…

One day, working in SF Tenderloin, we were sent to a cramped apartment, and older Filipino gentleman had upon arrival neither pulse nor breath: we proceeded to perform chest compressions and rescue breaths while the medics pumped IV drugs…we actually got a viable pulse!

But I thought that it was strange, almost offensive, that his wife stepped over his body as we were working to save his life…to silently log on to her computer. She didn’t come with the ambulance.

Later that same day: another CPR situation. Another older Filipino man. Their small apartment was lovingly kept and clean and orderly: I recall the many framed couple pictures over the mantlepiece.

We performed CPR as his wife cried and wailed and begged us to save him. We failed.

I’ve seen worse, I’ve dealt with worse: but that day made me sad…I still wish I could have reversed the outcomes…but obviously: one (even many) person(s) can only do so much.

In my 13 years of EMT-ing and firefighting it has been my experience that dead people, for the most part…stay dead. Especially really-dead people. But perhaps other health care professionals have had different outcomes.

6 Likes

How do you feel about the TV trope where EMTs or doctors use defibrillators to start the hearts of flat lined patients?

ehh…a trope is a trope: in my experience even aggressive early CPR with a shockable rhythm and IV drugs results in a ‘save’ well under 50% of the time.

But be aware that the chest compressions (slightly below the nipples) around 100 BPM (think Stayin’ Alive)…is enough and helpful. The blood is usually oxygenated enough that rescue breaths are not necessary. Don’t feel obligated to put your mouth on some strangers’; but if they fall out and no breath/no pulse…call 911 and push on the chest. Over and over. That’s it.

My favorite trope is the flail beating on the chest ‘LIVE, DAMN YOU LIVE!’ That…never works.

But in my head I have thought the same damn thing while performing textbook CPR…thanks TV.

3 Likes

A relative of mine who used to work with addicts brought an apparently lifeless man back from the dead with an injection of naloxone. She says that one moment he looked like a corpse, the next he was sitting up and saying ‘what? what are you all looking at?’

Maybe she assumed there was no hope and solemnly carried out his final wishes to delete his browser history.

Seriously though, she may have really loved him. People deal with things differently. My mom is horrible at confronting emotional situations. She simply does not know how to act. When I told her I was getting married the second sentence out of her mouth was something about needing help with a printer.

4 Likes

Yeah it could be shock, like Jackie picking up Jacks brains off the back of the convertible in Texas…

“But some Christians say Tyler has made a fundamental error.”

Like cannibals arguing over whether or not to cook the meat.

This topic was automatically closed after 5 days. New replies are no longer allowed.