Originally published at: http://boingboing.net/2006/07/24/disgusted-by-dice-ga.html
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FAIL.
Everyone knows that with cursed dice you need to dust them with salt and then set them on fire.
Rookie.
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My dice know that low performers get melted down, although, given last night’s rolls, I might need to break out the acetone again.
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Some folks in my weekly D&D group regularly check their dice for good rolls before a game – three or four bad rolls in a row, and that die gets discarded for another.
I vividly remember one friend warning his d20 that it had to stop rolling 1’s. After three 1’s in one battle, he went downstairs. We heard a SMASH. He came back holding a hammer and the fragments of his d20. “Hey, I warned it.”
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In my gaming circle we held our dice up to our mouths and said, “Billy, Billy…”
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What kind of personal protective measures do you employ while doing that? I’m not talking about the acetone(not great for brain cells, and probably nephretoxic and whatnot); but if you dissolve a bunch of unlucky dice in acetone and then evaporate the solvent you’ll be left with a sludgy residue of some-polymer-sludge and the concentrated essence of the hate and malice of the entropy gods. If you live in a world where LCK is a character stat, mere exposure to that stuff could result in substantial and permanent stat drain.
You might even risk creating a localized area where the Second Law of Thermodynamics is nullified and replaced by it’s much crueler cousin, which holds that a closed system shall always tend toward the maximally undesirable state.
When dealing with that kind of stuff it’s probably best to seal it in a teflon-lined lead cask; mark it with warding sigils and “Potion of statistical defilement”; and then hope never to see it again.
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Don’t worry, I shipped the residue to the GOP headquarters right before the 2012 election!
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I think that this might be a “let’s do a refresher on the first rule of demonology” situation.
“Do not call up what you cannot put down.”
All the other stuff: true names, arcane floor markings and what to make them with(virgin blood? Salt? Doped silicon powder from buried ET: The Extraterrestrial Ataria game cartridges? It gets confusing), is important but secondary.
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Oh, don’t worry. I had the whole thing contained in a class 4 summoning grid during the melting and distillation process.
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Glad to hear it. As Smokey Bear says: “Only you can prevent eldritch abominations!”
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The vaguely-evil, probability-bending residue physical manifestation of angry entropy, and you sent it where?!
The last four years (especially the last 13 months) now make a lot more sense…
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I’m not surprised. Every D6 in the world hates me. Fuck knows why, but they do.
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