Do not bring a duffel bag full of 40 vacuum-sealed frozen piranhas into LAX

What was the problem here?

So, are piranhas known to be good eating?

Of course, good eating or not, plenty of people will be swayed merely by the opportunity to try something exotic. (And if you tell them there’s a risk of Ciguatera poisoning, well, that only makes it more exciting for some.)

Worst secret lair supplier ever!

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I suspect that potential customs violation was exactly the grounds for the detention(not sure why it took five hours to either wave him through or confiscate the goods; that’s a less flattering detail).

Regulating the importation of biological material out of concern over zoonotic diseases, pests injurious to native food production, food safety standards, trafficking in endangered species, etc. is an utterly standard customs thing. Not all countries care in practice; but it’s pretty common for even borders so porous as to be nearly theoretical to have a sign with some excerpts from the WTO text on sanitary and phytosanitary regulations printed in a couple of languages next to the couple of bored and morally flexible guards.

I’m definitely not an import/export specialist for the US case; but I suspect that verifying compliance with(and which compliance is required) the rules on importing biological materials(mostly focused on germ samples and stuff, but endangered species appear to show up there); seafood for personal use; or food products for commercial use could be a nontrivial exercise and take some questioning and calling around to see if everything is in order.

Especially if it’s an oddball case than none of the ‘glosses of the applicable law for peons’ documents cover; which is probably true of ‘40x vacuum-sealed frozen piranhas’.

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He obviously needed them for his piranha gun

image

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Odds are it took them that long to first interrogate him, then check through the regulations and make sure that type of piranha wasn’t endangered or otherwise restricted from transport into the country. It’s an odd enough thing that they probably also wanted to make sure they weren’t stuffed with drugs or other contraband, so perhaps the 5-hour wait was while they thawed one or more out?

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They won’t allow this, but serving you airline food is ok?

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I have eaten (and caught, and swum with) piranhas while travelling in Brazil, in the Pantanal region and in Amazonas. The ones we caught weren’t very big. Little flesh and lots of bone. (reminds me of puffer fish (fugu) in that way). We often had them served in soup. Once the chef deep-fried them for us. I don’t remember them having any sort of distinctive taste.

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Why bring them with you? Can’t you just order them from Amazon?

I’ll show myself out.

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giphy|nullxnull

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I had piranha in Ecuador. We fried ours with some cornmeal breading (think catfish), and they were quite good. Kind of like a more mineral-y tasting trout, or maybe if trout got a little funky with a catfish and had wee ones.

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If they ultimately let him through, with the fish, then they’re admitting he didn’t do anything wrong in the first place and they were just wasting everybody’s time :confused:

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At first I thought the delay might have been because of the DNA check to see who the pirranhas last ate. But it gets deeper than that - these bastards-of-fish were ill-conceived!
Possibly the spawn of Satan … but good eatin’ cooked on a high heat.

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I don’t believe that piranha are known to be good eating, especially in comparison to the many other frankly delicious fish that may be pulled from the same waters. I’ve caught them and eaten them both souped and fried and I found them unremarkable. However, some people consider piranha to be an aphrodisiac. I expect that sort of cultural tradition may have been involved.

Or heads.

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Wow, not often someone dusts off 1990’s “The Freshman”. Bravo!

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I get where you’re coming from, but importation of biological material is the real stuff we should actually want Customs to care about, in all countries, for travelers going in every direction. As noted above, Customs needs to confirm that the imported frozen fish aren’t endangered, that they’re not subject to import restrictions, that they’re not prone to carry diseases/parasites, etc.

I think he made two mistakes.

  1. When asked what it was, he said “flesh”. Importation of meat is heavily restricted. If he had simply said “fish,” he might have been ok, except…

  2. He brought a lot of it. The Customs rule for importation of fish vaguely mutters about allowing “personal amounts.” And in fact, he’s importing these for business purposes, and his occupation is chef. So then they have to figure out what constitutes a “personal amount” of fish, what rules apply if it’s a non-personal amount, if import fees are required, and what the commercial value of piranhas is. Maybe it’s an FDA matter at that point.

You can buy a baby Black Piranha on the internet for $50, based on the first result of my google search. A full grown Black Piranha costs $1200. Of course those prices are for live fish. If Customs decided the commercial value really was $1200/fish, he could have been liable for import fees on $48,000.

It’s a brainer that probably required a lot of people to do a lot of calling around and searching archaic computer systems and giant books of regulations. And of course everyone is really under the gun, because those fish are thawing and the last thing anyone wants is 40 thawed fish in their office with fish juice running everywhere.

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As long as you don’t bring any part of or anything made from those piranhas within ten feet of the ice cream machine, go for it.

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Hey, check it out! I found a post from someone who actually ate the piranha meal at Somni, and there are pics of every course.

Funny how unfoodlike it all looks to me. Would love to try it, though.

Here’s their pic of one of the piranha dishes:

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Number One: It appears your order for piranhas for the slow dipping torture pool was held up in Customs
Doctor Evil: So pay the bribes
Number One: Also, the piranha were frozen solid
Doctor Evil: Dammit!

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