Do you have enough toilet paper?

The TP manufacturers say there is no shortage, they have plenty of wood pulp and they are clear-cutting as fast as they can.


I have at least 30 rolls due to a “oh, how did I run out so fast?” purchase because I’d hidden a case behind a storage bin.

133 days.


Where’s the joke? The calculator accurately tries to estimate how many days of TP you have based on inputs. I don’t find it especially funny, but it’s also not likely to be wildly inaccurate unless you suck at estimation, either.


It’s a completely useless calculator because different rolls come with different amounts of toilet paper on them. Northern had super rolls, mega rolls and who knows what else. Even measuring by how many sheets the roll has isn’t accurate because rolls come in various widths. So instead you really need to estimate based on square inches, but even that may not be sufficient since you may use fewer square inches of nice 2 ply vs. terrible one ply. If you want an easy, accurate estimate just put a date on the roll when you install it and see how long it lasts.


I did, but not since the hoarders made it impossible to top up my supply. Maybe if I forge an ID and sneak in during the seniors hour in the morning?

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We have two real bidets, the separate fixture kind. We keep a pile of cloths specifically for drying, then into a lidded bucket for washing. If you do it right they don’t actually get dirty. Generally we make them out of threadbare towels and cut up old t-shirts.

FYI, and perhaps TMI, but with a separate fixture you still use a minimal amount of TP to remove the excess into the bowl before moving to the bidet.


The fancier ones have a blow dryer built in but the truth is that your backside will be barely damp afterward - they’re pretty accurate.

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The “Advanced Options” button opens more sliders that let you pick how many sheets per roll. Try thinking outside the habits.


I want to know what these people are eating that makes them have to shit so damn much? Sauteed dysentery with cholera sauce?


Certain genders need TP for more than just defecation.


I was pretty close.

I figure if it gets dire in the TP department I will start using paper towels and newsprint (and putting them in a tightly sealed garbage bag instead of flushing them and risking a clog.)

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if you think the shortage is bad now, wait until people get $1000 checks

every year I buy a year’s worth when there is a big sale, just two super-sized mega packs, one less thing to worry about

this year I ran out just as this stupidity hit, ugh

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It goes to a sewage treatment plant to be processed. It’s not dumped into the river. You’d have to be a factory or a farm to do that in PA. None of my toilets flush to the river, part of me thinks that’s illegal.

At a pinch, and if you can’t use your shower, just keep a large bottle of water next to the throne. Possibly label it ‘do not drink’ for thirsty houseguests who might be visiting. Because who doesn’t want to take a swig from a bottle of water kept next to the bog?


Also if anyone here wants a paper saving method I’d urge you to watch this guy. He knows what hes talking about:


Where it clogs up the works. I’ve seen numerous pleas from water works to stop using “flushable” wipes because they create so many problems downstream, even before the virus. But I guess as long as it’s someone else’s problem, it’s fine, huh?


are you wearing socks?


It is my experience that American-Asses come in different widths too.

Just saying.

how much toilet paper you need to survive the pandemic

survive seems like a dramatic word to use here.