Perfect toilet-paper dispensing machine




That escalated quickly…


Aww man! I wish I was a maker too!


That was a great time, but seriously? Three squares? Might be sufficient for my 5-year-old’s butt, but some of us need more paperwork.

Call me irresponsible treekiller, but I hew closer to the mitten approach than the single-sheeter. Last thing I want to risk is poke-through.


This has Kickstarter written all over it


I’ve had a couple exes boyfriends try to explain to me (a woman) that I use too much toilet paper – they were legitimately angry, especially one in particular, who would actually take real time and effort to argue with me about my usage, and then try to tell me how much I SHOULD be using. Look, I’m an adult, and I know how much toilet paper I need. Besides which, most women use more toilet paper than men and for damn good reason. But so many men don’t consider that. Ugh. IT IS TOILET PAPER, shut up, I’ll even buy a package and bring it over, but dudes, seriously… Don’t tell women how much toilet paper they should be using. Thanks.


A lot of feces around your anus after having a shit can me mitigated with a more relaxed approach and posture. Your toilet should be a comforting space and if you can get a small footrest to elevate your knees into a more appropriate posture for shitting.

I used to use a lot of TP, probably for similar reasons, but now I’m on six squares of single ply.


I actually think that toilet paper that is too soft causes one to use way more than they would of, say, Scott tissue, which is my preferred brand (or generic equivalent), and which is a little rougher and therefore you know, catches shit as you wipe (lol pun intended). Just be gentle when using it.

I love this post tbh. Great, frank discussion is going to be had, I am sure, which I love. I was going to say something about “TMI”, but personally, I feel like these discussions are important. We all poop!


The profligate user of toilet paper may be exposing her own bias by assuming something that can be assigned to inter-individual difference is due to a male:female difference …

The toilet paper sparing ranter in my household has XX chromosomes. :wink:


I was speaking from personal experience and the fact that I’ve had multiple men complain about my usage and from speaking to other women about this iussue. However, I concede that some women may also complain about TP usage to their partners (male or female!).


I’ve got no idea how much they should be using, but damn, my girlfriend uses a lot!

Rather than rant about it though, I wordlessly go to the store and buy another package. If I’m feeling especially defiant, I’ll grumble while doing so.


What could possibly go wrong with this wonderful system?


Maybe she’s one of those shy and retiring types who cover the water with paper to ensure a soft landing with no embarrassing splash?


I read your question imagining a tone like Danny Kaye would ask “why don’t we put on a show!?!”


Yeah these people exist. Damn you if you dare to question the logic or sanity of the xx mind. They are adults and know how much toilet paper they need.

I just learned to keep a private hidden stash for situations where we somehow went from 2 rolls to 0 within 24 hours. And would re-hide that stash until the next grocery run.
I have no idea what she did in those intervening days. Probably the same.


I was hoping the rubber ducky would be part of the system. Although I don’t know which would be more disturbing while going about the business: the giant cleaver or being stared at by a duck.


Flushing tampons and sanitary napkins is a bad idea even where the the plumbing seems to tolerate it. Thus, there ought to be a tendency towards reproductive age women using more toilet paper, and it a way that may not occur to men. I think this one’s really about biology.


Wow! Seventeen comments and no mention of the 3 seashells… Do y’all even Boing?


the irony is, even if you really only need 3 squares per visit normally, after seeing that think in operation while you’re sitting beside it you’d need more toilet paper (because it would scare more shit out of you).


I really enjoy that this earned me a “Nice Post”.