Earn 1 cent every 4.5 seconds for turning a crank

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It teaches math, economics, social studies, art and about long-term wasted effort. It’s American public school in a box!


A brilliant illustration. Anybody who says the minimum wage is too high should be invited to turn the crank for as long as they like.


Nah. It also needs to berate and belittle you to really be a good simulation. And forcing you to wear a goofy uniform would be a plus.


Also, all. mandatory federal, state, and local income taxes should drop into a separate hopper that cannot be accessed by the worker.


If I had 1 cent for every time I did crank I could afford to do some more crank


To be authentic to the worst it should force you to buy the goofy uniform so that you must turn the crank for several hours before beginning to earn.

Service job uniforms have the potential to be a big plus for employees, since it preserves their own clothes, but too many employers force the purchase.


Crank 3 (2015): Chev Chelios (Jason Statham), a hit man trying to go straight, once again finds himself in an intense race against time as his survival will depend on constantly engaging in demeaning repetitive work for poverty wages.


I don’t know if we should be letting just anybody turn that crank. Mandatory drug screening to ensure that the Crankee (an appropriate term for said employee) can be trusted to turn that crank reliably. You may end up with the crank being turned at half the rate while they expect a whole penny!

Also if they really feel they are qualified to turn that crank some verifiable experience turning cranks and at least a ten year record of employment with references and no unexplained gaps is absolutely required. Once you’ve been passed through HR like a head of cattle, and spent the following 2 weeks staring at your phone wondering if your savings will last long enough to keep you off the street, you get the privilege of starting as a part time Crankee. Keep in mind though your hours may change and we might need to call you in so please on your days off just be prepared (sober) since we may need the crank turned.


Our local McDonald’s must be having hiring troubles right now, as they are promoting the joys of working for them by touting their benefits.

Who knew that after working there a mere five years that you would qualify for a FREE McDonald’s windbreaker. By my calculations, five years is probably the minimum time required to desensitize an employee enough that they would consider wearing one out in public.


This is terrible. Why isn’t there a robot turning that crank?


I’m going to pay someone $2 an hour to turn the handle for me and give me the cash, and they can ask for tips for doing it from the people watching.


Surely that would be cranker</b?. Crankee</b? would be the one being -. oh … I see what you mean.

As you were.


I read about this scenario in a science fiction book a long long time ago, except it took place in some kind of alien prison/laboratory and not a museum. And instead of getting pennies it was to earn food, or something like that. There may have been anal probes involved as well.

This gadget would be great if it let you pedal instead of turning a hand crank.


But then you’d be a more efficient worker, and no longer deserving of just minimum wage.

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Was it Willam Sleator’s House of Stairs?

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so it doesn’t matter how slow or fast you turn the crank?

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Also, the crank locks forever if you stop for a minute or two without asking permission a week ahead of time. Or if you complain a little about how the crank is busted. Or if you complain about someone abusing you while you’re forced to keep turning the crank.

And it also locks forever if you ask for a raise or bonus or anything more than they’re already giving you. Because there’s always more people who will turn the crank and not ask to be treated like a human.


Turn it at a consistent rate, not too fast, not too slow. We charge for custom services.