Does not approve!
7 Likes
I’ll second chopsticks, but the eat more slowly part only works at first. It’s crazy how fast/efficient you can get with chopsticks if you use them regularly.
3 Likes
Oh yeah, just what I need: help housing an entire bag of Cheetos.
4 Likes
Especially for salad.
Eating salad with fork: 15 seconds of gathering a forkfull of salad; 1 second shoveling into mouth
Eating salad with chopsticks: 0.5 seconds grabbing leaf; 0.5 seconds moving to mouth; repeat as necessary.
There’s also the asymptotic relationship of the last bit of salad on a plate. When eating salad with a fork, as the remaining salad decreases, the amount of time it takes to gather it increases, until the last piece of salad takes an infinite amount of time to gather. With chopsticks, it still only takes 0.5 seconds.
12 Likes
Huh… never thought of that. I might try it next time.
3 Likes
The boss level: cherry tomatoes with olive oil. 
11 Likes
But don’t you just have to wash these instead of your fingers? 
5 Likes
Dude. If you get crap all over your keyboard, just replace it with one from the lab or an empty office.
3 Likes
I use a cup sometimes, for cheese puffs and the like. Pour em in and then “drink” them, one by one.
Keeps the digits clean, and bonus, I only eat what is in the cup instead of the entire bag. My portion control is not great, if left to my own devices.
6 Likes
Came here to say this, glad it was top comment. Always chopsticks with cheesy poofs!
And for those who crave the tactile sensation of real finger-food, they also make ultrathin versions out of lambskin.
Can’t I just get a food grade silicone body suit?
1 Like
I’m going to go out on a limb and posit that if you aren’t willing to engage your finger food with your fingers, then you damn well don’t deserve it.
It’s like BBQ ribs, if you’re not getting it all over your hands and face, you’re doing it wrong.
(I mean, have you ever seen someone eat ribs with a fork and knife? It’s simply fundamentally wrong.)
2 Likes
Phttt. Just stab the sucker
2 Likes
The French got back at us- they said “Just for that, we are not renaming American cheese”
5 Likes
Buy all your European cheeses before October 18-- cheetohman just slapped a 25% tariff on wine and cheese.
3 Likes
Silly, just throw them away and get new ones.
Only with safety goggles!
3 Likes
1 Like
No thanks, I’ll just use my durian gloves.
