Finland N'existe Pas

He seems to have such a weird taste. Some things he praises are just gross in my opinion (like all the things that combine salmiakki and chocolate), and then he doesn’t like some of the best candies (like the delicious Dracula pillerit or this delicious assortment) Also, how is it possible that he hasn’t reviewed the best salmiakki of all - Lakritsal, salmiakki at its purest!

But really, it’s an an acquired taste. If you’re not used to salty candy, it will just be gross. When I brought Finnish candy with me to the States, I only brought different kinds of salmiakki so I could laugh at how much they hated them and then ate them myself.

Terva (wood tar) shots are my favorite! If you want a salmiakki shot, the best one is a “fisu” - vodka with a very strong salmiakki candy called “Fisherman’s Friend” added (fisu means fish).

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How is sauna pronounced?
I grew up saying sow-na, but I mostly hear saw-na…


Anything like pine tar? I love pine tar soap and shampoo, and once found a pine tar cough syrup that was divine.


Sow-na or saw-na is how foreigners pronounce it. The Finnish pronunciation is something like “saw-uh-na”. Like you’re starting to say the word “sound”, but drop the d and say “nah” at the end instead. Soun[-d]ah.

Yes, it’s usually pine tar. It’s a common ingredient in things in Finland. It’s often used as a scent in sauna (a little fragrance you put in the water you throw over the stones in the stove). Add that lovely smell to the smell of the fresh birch boughs (vihta/vasta) that you can beat yourself with while you relax.


Oh, G-d, I wish Finland existed, just so I could move there.

Of course, I’d totally change the weather, I’m already sick of snow.

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Actually, that is how we would say it (was going to mention that there is an odd little “swallow” in there)… When surrounded by old Finns, one tends to pick a few things up.

Sometimes you just have to admit that ya can’t beat the Ruskies:

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They speak Finnish so badly that I had to focus really hard to understand it.

But Finnish is easy. We have words like “lentokonesuihkuturbiinimoottoriapumekaanikkoaliupseerioppilas” and “epäjärjestelmällistyttämättömyydelläänsäkäänköhän” - what’s so hard about that?


I like those words so much, I’m going to take them out behind the high school and get them pregnant.


Reminds me of Sanskrit, people don’t mind condensing whole sentences or even paragraphs into new words!

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Get a handle on this helluva Finnish palindrome: “saippuakalasalakauppias” literally “black-market soap fish salesman.”

I think I could interpret that as meaning my Norwegian grandfather who probably illegally would foist lutefisk on me as a kid. Lutefisk while literally “lye fish” is called “soap fish” as well, since that’s what the lye turns the fish into.


Despite growing up in South Dakota and going to college in Minnesota, I have not yet experienced lutefisk.


It’s just good ol’ conjugating. Here, I’m gonna break down this crazy word to show you guys how it’s done:

lack of disorderliness
with his lack of disorderliness
also with his lack of disorderliness
also with his lack of disorderliness?
possibly also with his lack of disorderliness?

This is why Finnish is one of the most difficult languages to learn in the world (like third hardest, or something).

According to Wikipedia, far more lutefisk is eaten in the States than in Scandinavia. We gave it to you and ran. But in my opinion… do not experience lutefisk. It is not very good.


Meanwhile, people are ice-fishing in Minnesota:

Welcome to Brainerd!



Wait, is that like a real movie that’s really coming out? Cause that seems insane and awesome. And I loved Rare Exports… I’m in.


That’s like German, where they seem to be constantly smushing words together to make new ones.

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At first, I thought it must be a spoof because a movie with Samuel L. Jackson + the team behind Rare Exports sounds like the sort of joke Finns would do before sighing and going back to scouting international media for even the tiniest mention of Finland.

But yeah, I can’t wait to watch it, looks awesome. Also, it’s great to know that Rare Exports is known outside Finland. It was apparently also released in Norway, Germany, UK, US and Australia.

Yep, pretty much like that. Like German, we also have words for nuanced emotions you English-speakers are apparently incapable of recognizing. Like…

Vahingonilo = Schadenfraude
Myötähäpeä = Feeling embarrassed in someone else’s place, as if it happened to you; often the person in question might not feel or realize to feel embarrassed themselves


Aha! So there is something you do in the winter other than drink.

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I was fortunate enough to avoid it, too. I did, however, have friends who got plates with the stuff at Thanksgiving. They were universally appalled by it.

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