Five hitmen jailed after trying to subcontract job to one another

Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2019/10/24/five-hitmen-jailed-after-tryin.html

5 Likes

Those sentences seem a bit unfair. Ling was just a con man who didn’t try to kill anyone.

3 Likes

I can’t figure much out from the source, but I figure that the whole “fake your death” thing, posing the victim bloody and tied up for photos, was duress and earned him the stiff sentence.

9 Likes

It sure is! Also kinda reminiscent of the sort of thing that happens in the wonderful Dortmunder novels by Donald E. Westlake (I just finished the hilarious What’s the Worst That Could Happen? last night).

9 Likes

I always come away from stories about hitmen with the same thought: you just can’t find good help nowadays.

15 Likes

" Attempted murder. Now honestly what is that? Can you win a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?"

–“Sideshow” Bob Terwilliger

12 Likes

It’s not as if Ling was innocent, but the others had really tried to get the victim killed and received only marginally harder sentences.

2 Likes

No Wei!

Oh, yes Wei.

4 Likes

This is happening at the White House right now.
Hire a circus, get clowns.

7 Likes

Five lazy hitmen sat on a wall,
Five hitmen on a wall,
If one of those hitmen should happen to bribe another hitman to take the fall,
There’d be four lazy hitmen left on the wall…

Honestly, what’s the profession coming to if all the hits are being subcontracted. The union needs to look into this.

6 Likes

Another success story from the gig economy.

15 Likes

It’s fake hitmen all the way down.

8 Likes

I think there is a flip side to that though. Assuming their law is anything like ours, the others involved aren’t being charged with murder, but with attempted murder, because the target never actually died. Ling, on the other hand, actually showed up and extorted someone. I’m sure it also depends on the extent to which they the judge thought Ling would have killed Wei if Wei had not agreed to the scheme.

1 Like
7 Likes

Was going to post a similar thing from the same movie :smiley:

Although, in watching this again, I’m wondering why the paper bag already had a hole in the bottom. I don’t recall him using it earlier.

I will have to check those out. I’m familiar with his Parker character, but haven’t delved into any of his other books, and they sound worth delving into.

6 Likes

You really should, do yourself a big favour… I’ve been pigging out on BOTH series lately, and while the Parker ones get to be a bit samey and borderline depressing after a while, over-indulgence in the Dortmunder books just make the characters more lovable and hence the capers more rewarding. In all seriousness, I think they’ve helped my mental health lately :slight_smile:

If you’re busy, there’s a short story collection called Thieves’ Dozen, might even be in your local library: jump right in there are read two consecutive stories: “Horse Laugh” and the sidesplitting “Too Many Thieves”.

/derail

2 Likes

I just ordered the first book and will be reading it asap. The Parker graphic novels are quite good as well:

https://www.goodreads.com/series/54156-parker-graphic-novels

2 Likes

And this is why I am skeptical of those who say that hereditary rich types are powerful enough to have opponents easily killed. The job is not one where you can just throw money at people willy nilly and expect results.

Hit men tend to be in-house operators of organized crime. Working for those who acquired their wealth by murder and mayhem. Even “Murder Incorporated” only did jobs for mafioso.

3 Likes

Say what you will about Mr. Teatime’s needlessly risky tactics, at least he took pride in his work.

4 Likes

So, I see the Chinese fully comprehend the nature of end-stage capitalism…

3 Likes