Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2019/06/07/florida-man-steals-car-winds.html
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Stay away from bath salts kids.
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I came here to say about the same thing.
Whatever drugs he was taking… I want NOTHING to do with them.
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Listen up, ladies and gentlemen! Our fugitive has been on the run for ninety minutes. Average foot speed over uneven ground barring injuries is 4 miles per hour and that gives us a radius of… six miles. What I want out of each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in that area. Checkpoints go up at fifteen miles. Your fugitive’s name is Florida Man. Go get him.
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Sounds to me like the animals were doing a good job kicking up a fuss, so maybe he killed them to silence them.
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And in an act of divine justice, his pecker became the peckee. Ouch.
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There’s so much to unpack in that story.
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He thought he’d look more like a chicken if he was naked? Seems plausible.
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Buzzkill alert:
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I implore the powers that be at BoingBoing to listen to that episode of Citations Needed, and re-evaluate the decisions to post future content about “Florida Men.”
TL;DL - it’s the product of lazy journalists who promote shaming of the less-fortunate, the mentally ill, the poor, and the desperate.
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So, um…; We are all Florida Man(?)
I’ve certainly never said that i wasn’t an idiot 
I am Florida Man!
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I suspect “Florida Man” was simply returning from whence he came. It’s surprising how many of them have open warrants from PA and NY. Just sayin’
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Of course, if he’d stolen a 4-door Audi, rather than the A5, he would have ended up in a chicken sedan.
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2 finger guns for that one.
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