There are a lot of generous, caring people that have my back here. It has been proven with not just words, but extraordinary actions.
The part that gets under my skin is that even though I overshare, I can’t bring myself to share the really, really shitty things about myself that make me an unfit partner, an unfit employee, and a fucking crappy friend. And I mean shiiiitty. That’s when compliments just feel… Well, for all the wonderful, good intentions they don’t feel right.
I don’t deserve the empathy that the wonderful people here have shown me. I really don’t. I don’t deserve the friends IRL that I have–i unconsciously or semi consciously abuse them constantly.
Why did I make this particular series of bad life choices? Why am I an unredeemable ass? Why can’t I control my impulses? Why do I blow up my life just because I can? Will I ever stop?
