Fuck Today (Part 1)

general topics
3902

Sorry, long story ahead. TL/DR at the end.

So mid last year friends of mine lost their young daughter in a car accident. It was three days before the girl turned 5. It was beyond horrific. I’d held this girl as a baby and watched her grow. Our daughters played together. The girl’s younger sister, also in a car accident but not injured, is only a bit older than my daughter. That kind of grief of pain never goes away.

How here’s the worse part. Since then the girl’s father has changed from fairly chilled dude to the worst kind of fundamentalist Christian. In his mind his daughter will go to heaven and so if he wants to see her again he needs to go to heaven, so he needs be a good Christian boy and follow the bible exactly. Before marriage never interested him and now he has proposed to the mother of his kids and they’re getting married at the end of his month. And it also means gay people are bad.

Anyone who posts anything that is about gay people or supporting gay people get angry, vitriol-filled comments and messages. It’s never in person, always in messages, usually over facebook. He has picked fights with friends. To the point where friendships have been severed and he managed to misconstrue what happened enough that his fiancee severed at least one friendship too.

So yesterday I shared a post that vaguely referenced gay people. (A mishearing of gaze and gays and a kid asking a parent what penetrating gaze/gays meant.) It was hella funny. In response he went on a rant about ‘stupid gays’ and it ‘it didn’t matter how much they fucked they would never get a daughter.’

I immediately deleted his comment. I don’t need that. My friends don’t need to see that. The 13 year old gender fluid daughter of a friend who is only just realising that people will hate for no other reason than she gender fluid, definitely does not need to see that. I didn’t address it, I just deleted it.

In response I received an abusive message from his complete with gay slur, asking why he wasn’t allowed to have an opinion. I replied that I wouldn’t stand for hate speech and block him entirely. I knew this coming. His anger has been directed at other people and I am very vocal in my support of who are in sexual or gender minorities. I’m also pansexual myself. I was only being polite to him out of respect for his fiancee and my friendship with her (which I am guessing will not survive this.)

I thought that would be the end of it, but no, then I got a text a little before midnight. More of the same. Blocked him there too.

I know this all coming from pain and grief, but that doesn’t mean I have to host it put up with abuse.

It’s all a fucking mess and I don’t know what, if anything, to say to his fiancee.

TL:DR, guy who lost his daughter last year has turned into an angry homophobic dick. Getting married to the other of his children soon and I don’t think she has any idea what he is saying to people.

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3903

Not an attempt to trivialize your difficulty, but in my experience homophobes are always homophobes, but now he has something to be angry about, and is projecting.

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3904

Probably true. Friends of his who are gay don’t seem to know the extent of his raging homophobia.

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3905

How awful. You have my deepest condolences. He’s a little, OK a lot insane right now; I cannot imagine what it’s like to lose a child, but I know it’s broken stronger people than me, and only some of them ever got better. Because you’re right, the pain never goes away, some people just eventually learn to deal with it, and some never do.

I’d tell him, if he truly believes, Jesus brought the New Testament to supersede the Old; no one who preaches hate can ever enter the kingdom of God,. Remember it’s written, let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

It might not penetrate, but if you want to give it a try, I can supply more anti-hate Xi’an theology.

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3906

I know it all. I grew up in the church his neck deep in right now. I follow an awesome guy named Stant Litore on facebook, his breakdowns on the Greek, Hebrew and Aramaic and where translations have gone wrong are amazing. His patience at explaining his reasonings to people who sent him angry messages is boundless.

I’m as sure as I can be, without testing, that he will hear none of it from me. With his intense anger right now I don’t think anything will get through. He and his fiancee, mother of the child, never went to any kind of grief counselling. That was their choice, obviously, but I hate they never got any trauma or grief counselling for the younger daughter, who was in the car too and watched her older sister die. His anger affects her too, as the one who died was his favourite. He’s short with her, very demanding with little patience and the kid is only 4 years old.

I know others, too many, that have lost children. I’ve had a loss. Pretty much everyone else I know have thrown themselves into something positive. One family has fostered and made a difference in other kids lives. One set up a charity for the NICU where her son died, providing books for families to read to their babies. Another family have raised money for bears of hope. I don’t want to compare, but I can see how it could have been.

I just hope he gets help before there is nothing left inside him but anger.

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3907

Banner day for mansplainers!

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3908

image

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3909

I love that bit…

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3910

I wanted to put this one into a couple of threads to reiterate “how many times we’ve been over this” plus fascism/conservatism/misogyny, but I figured Orenwolf would snack on it.

merry-go-round

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3911

FWIW, I (and no doubt many others) didn’t jump into the Texas thread because you didn’t seem to need any help. For as long as I have been posting here, your comments on a wide range of topics have been consistent, insightful and interesting. I learn things from the bbs community; it’s the reason I started participating and it’s the reason I keep coming back. Some people are jerks; it doesn’t mean your scholarship isn’t appreciated.

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3913

What the actual fuck.

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3914

I’m only surprised that a firearm wasn’t used.

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3915

Honestly, the knife is worse somehow; it so…intimate. Stabbing an infant…? How does anyone get there?

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3916

Only in that the perp had to get ‘up close and personal’ to inflict deadly harm; with a firearm, she could have done much worse damage in much less time.

That said; I can’t begin to fathom how anyone gets to that point.

SMFH

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3917

And they survived, another big difference… if this had been a gun, they’d be dead.

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3918

Truth.

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3919

While thinning out bamboo (P. Vivax) in our front garden, I encountered a very large wasp nest. They saw me first, and I sustained at least five stings to the face, head and neck, and a couple on my arm. My head is now all lumpy, but the wasps have been dealt with. Along with another nest I probably would have stumbled into tomorrow.

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3920

Ouch!
I found this great picture for the “put some mud on it!” catechism and your situation but then realized that’s for bees, not wasps. So you’re welcome to try anyway but I don’t know if it will help…

image
image.jpg1600×1066 594 KB

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3921

At least I am not allergic. I have a tendency to get attacked by all manner of animals, insects, reptiles, and fish. I am lucky to live in a household with several medical professionals, so adverse reactions or horrifying wounds can be treated on site.
Had the mud been available while I was being swarmed, I would have tried it. Thanks for the suggestion.

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