(Nothing’s wrong, I just love this gif)
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My wife wanted to spend some time with her friend, so I’m looking after both sets of kids (we each have a boy and a girl). In comparison, our kids are absolute angels. They’ve been rampaging through the house for the past two hours like the four horsemen of the apocalypse, but louder and with more destructive energy. The boy broke our table and the girl almost broke one of the doors by hanging onto it when we locked it to let the ladies have some peace, then scared or hamster half to death before I put it in a locked room too. Their volume levels range from ‘town crier’ to ‘air raid siren’ and they have plenty of stamina. I’m not being hands-off and I’ve organised activities for the whole time, but they are not so easily satisfied. In the middle of all this, our daughter forgets that she’s been toilet trained. I think the curse is upon us, and I’m going to need to exorcise the little brutes before too long.
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Also: taking excited kids outside can mitigate some of the bathroom training issues.
At least the cleanup aspect, anyway…
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This isn’t a Fuck Today…
But every time I have to disassemble attack code from a state level sponsor, it takes me 15 minutes. Every time I have to write a two line script with Curl it takes three engineers four hours each.
Two. Lines. It was like a game of stump the chumps.
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I could watch this all day.
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I think your kids sound awesome.
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I want my IT department to give me a .csv of a bunch of fields from a case management system. I was sitting in a meeting with two people who were confused about unknown things for half and hour, the whole time wanting to scream, “SELECT columns FROM table WHERE year=2015”
How the hell is it that they have access to the database and I don’t? I get they have to do a join. Boo fucking hoo!
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They left shortly after I wrote my comment, and apart from the table (which is fairly easily repairable) there was no permanent damage. I’d actually just taken my daughter to the toilet about 3 minutes before, but I guess she was a bit too excited and didn’t finish. Once the other kids had gone, ours went back to being charming and my daughter promptly fell asleep.
They’re both pretty unique - my son has always been independent and put himself to bed from about 18 months of age, then played quietly in his room in the morning until he heard us get up. My daughter is a force of nature and cannot be made to do anything she doesn’t want to do. She can also be very sweet and sings lullabies to her big brother at night time and to my wife if she’s sick. There are probably better song choices than “dumb ways to die”, but it’s the thought that counts.
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Yeah, still not convincing me your kids aren’t awesome 
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Since you asked,
Monday after getting the battery replaced on the old Corolla this weekend, and after I got the drivers window fixed, purely because they told me I had to do it to pass the safety check, I came back to pick it up and the service station told me “Oh yeah, we can’t pass you on the safety check because there’s a crack in your windshield and it could obstruct your vision. Got to get that fixed first.” Wha??? But OK, I’ll add that to the stack of crap to deal with so I don’t get a ticket for an expired safety check.
Today I’ve got someone who thinks I dented his precious car while parking and should pay for it - I got out of work to find a note on my car to call the building security, and after some back-and-forth found out that some guy parked next to me thinks I hit and dented his car. I ended up calling him up later this evening and talking with him a bit, and he texted me a photo of the damage. Yeah no, I really don’t think so… there is no way I could have put that size dent and scrape in his car without 1) noticing it and 2) leaving a huge mark on mine. Probably someone whacked his car trying to pull into the space and then hurriedly left, sometime in the hour between when he parked there and when I pulled in. But my car is 14 years old and covered in scrapes and scratches so I’m sure I looked like a good culprit. So that will be another thing to deal with next Monday.
(Oh, and relatively minor, but the electrician came a day early and so ended up installing one of the two outside outlets in entirely the wrong place.)
The universe just has it in for us this last month, or else we’re under a hex. Maybe that’s it - I need to sift through the grimoires and do a banishing ritual.
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Holy shit dude, get some sage stat and give yourself a good smudgeing!
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That, or:
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I am feeling your pain. Fuck today, and really, fuck every day since Sunday because they’ve all pretty much been shit.
I let my row-house neighbor scream and berate me into paying for repairs to their roof…and in those repairs, the contractor replaced a portion of my slate roof with asphalt shingles (why yes, I do feel like the biggest imbecile on the planet). Also found out my ex wife lied to the IRS back in 2012, claiming she was living separately from me (which she wasn’t in any stretch of the imagination), and because of that I owe them an extra $2500. Also, someone scraped the shit out of my vehicle’s driver’s side door in a parking garage, and in doing so, the rear passenger door also got dented/scraped.
And because I feel like burning everything today, my workplace runs a fucken constellation of computer systems, online and off, that do not speak to one another and likely never will because reasons and “it’s not my responsibility”. And let’s not speak about the data corruption that won’t be fixed before migrating that corrupted data to the newly built system, because that would be gauche or someshit.
C’mon catharsis, show yer godamn head already. And in closing, let me say, again, Fuck You, Today, you gutless swine.
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Everything’s broken. Car, fridge, microwave, windows.
Bills, bills, bills. Sick of it. Can’t catch a break.
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And by liking your post, I actually mean Fuck. That. Shit.
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Which works well with the graph resembling cleavage.
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So I have some good news for balance - I remembered seeing one of the security guards on the phone in the parking garage that morning when I got out of my car. When I saw him again on Friday morning, I asked if he remembered that. He did, and apparently he’s the security manager for the building, and said he’d look at the report. According to the other guard, he looked at the report and said that there’s no way I could have crunched the other car, because he was there the whole time and he’d have heard it where he was standing.
Hopefully this will get the other car’s owner off my case.
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Sadly I’ve already got a pet (I mean husband) but I’ll keep you in mind. Do you like Australia?
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This southern parts, yes. Northern… That’s a challenge.
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Oh, and keep your husband around:). They tend to be useful.
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