Not when you need it before a specific deadline.
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Whoo boy. Paid my rent of roughly $1200 today. Leaving me with less than $250 in the bank - not even enough to cover my health insurance when it’s deducted on the 8th. So suspect I’ll be homeless this time next month. Haven’t had any income since about May last year. Been living off my life savings since then.
And am terrified. And utterly paralysed by fear. Fuck.
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Depending on the state and/or city you live in you can get emergency housing assistance that will help with your rent if you are close to being unable to pay or are unable to pay it.
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Wow, sorry to hear that. I can’t bring myself hit the ‘like’ button.
You’ve probably already thought of this, but just in case you haven’t, consider selling everything you can do without, as quickly as possible. When I was in your position decades ago, I lost a lot of stuff, because I had no option but to throw it away when I got evicted. If I had been thinking ahead more, I’d have sold all that stuff instead of letting the trash men destroy it.
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Fear is a very natural response. When it’s overwhelming to me I have a couple of things I do.
First is breathe deeply and steadily for a while, and concentrate on something in the room. That’s to address another very natural, yet surprisingly unhelpful, response… When anxiety builds many of us slow our breathing without realizing it. That sets off physiological alarm bells, and results in some truly overzealous fear responses on the part of our body. Great when you have to make snap survival decisions like sprinting from danger. Useless for modern problems.
Fear doesn’t have to feel like panic. It can, at its least unpleasant, feel like excitement and a compelling need to focus on a particular subject.
I also know for me it helps to plan and brainstorm. That lets me start applying some logic and reason to whatever I’m facing, or at least a methodology.
I use this as a guide for my personal priorities…
Maybe make a list of resources? Friends, family, assets, and social services you can make use of. Other sources of income. Shared housing. You maybe have a car?
You’re not alone in this. Lots of us have gone through these kind of crises, and come out fine. They feel terrible, and by their nature as doomy events set in a future time, are just maddeningly good and making people very anxious.
One last tip… Drugs and booze will help with the emotional hardship. This is a very dangerous trap. Lots of people find themselves in hard times, can’t get past the emotional burden, and in short order find themselves with a whole new problem… A physical addiction that becomes their primary issue, and that is really debilitating and thwarts their attempts to improve their situation. Limits their choices. Keeping them in bad situations. I see it time and time again. The addiction keeps them from being able to better their situation, and the situation makes kicking the addiction truly hard. Booze and speed being the worst of the worst. Please do avoid those. If it’s already a problem, seek some treatment while you’ve got this time. Lots of the services for addiction also address transitional housing and employment opportunities as well.
I’m so sorry you’re facing this.
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@TailOfTruth @Medievalist @grimloki
Heartfelt thanks for your responses, kindness and advice. Even if kindness is what makes me really fall apart! Wondered if I was going to regret posting what I did…but I don’t. Needed to offload it, give voice to my fear, cry, and then get some semblance of shit together. The latter hasn’t happened yet, but should by later today. Meantime, screaming into the void is healthy, right?!
And just so you know, illict drugs and alcohol are not my problem. I barely drink booze, but do have raging addictions to coca-cola, black tea, good chai and nicotine. I live quite frugally but the only things I can think to cut back on are my mobile phone service (which would be a $30/month decrease at most), drop health insurance (which I’m loath to do as I had thyroid cancer soon after signing up for it), or stop smoking. Which l’m not gonna do, honestly, because half the reason I smoke is to shorten my life-span. I’m well aware of how bad that sounds but it’s the brutal, unvarnished truth. And while it costs me about $55 every nine or 10 days, one of my mantras is ‘whatever it takes to get through the day with sanity intact’. So yeah, smoking stays.
Anyway, lots more I could write/vent but tl;dr: sincere thanks.
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I’ve been (probably too) open about many of my struggles. Since you have health insurance, better living through chemistry is not a bad or expensive idea.
Gabapentin and prozac have turned my life around. I am not a doc, and most docs are crap. It took years to find one that had a clue. But they do exist, and they can make ‘whatever it takes’ easier.
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I can’t imagine what it would take to make me feel that I wanted a shorter life. Whatever it is that you’re dealing with, I regret that all I have to send you is a hug.
If quitting is out-of-the-question, could cutting back help at all? If you cut down by a third so that you only had to pay $55 every two weeks, that’d be $50 more per month to spend.
Obviously, don’t compromise your mental health, but if that would give you the money to make it another month, it might be worth it.
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I’m sorry. Try to take a deep breath and focus. If you are really seeing into a nearby future without your house/apartment, the advice from @Medievalist is how heavy it seemed, a good advice. Probably scary also, but better some money extra than trown away. Stuff can always be bought again. Survival is at the beginning most important. Even living in a nearly emphty place can give you a while extra. And believe me, it can also be freeing. Make you ‘light’.
I which I could help more, take care, whish you better.
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When God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window. My kid got into a super awesome honors program at a state school, and it comes with an additional scholarship that brings her funding total to a near full scholarship at that school. (Can I get a high five 
parents?) AND it’s a really neat program of study. So proud of her. I hope she loves the school; it’s one of her top picks. She visits weekend after next.
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I don’t if it helps you at all, but hearing what you are going through made my problems seem pretty cushy and first world.
I have fortunately never been close to homelessness, but I have heard that scraping sound in my checking account more than a few times.
I’m wondering how much cash would make a difference in your situation. Is there some way to babysit, dog walk, move boxes, something like that with a craigslist ad to get some cash in your pocket?
At my Temple our rabbi has a discretionary fund that she can use to bail out someone from a tight situation. Perhaps there is a church or synagogue nearby that will help you through.
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USPS tracking is a bad joke.
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@japhroaig @nimelennar @Stynx You guys! Your kindness made me cry again. Stahp!!
Should probably have added I’ve had major depression and been on anti-depressants for years. Like, since I was in my mid-20s and I’m 43 now. First zoloft, then effexor, then generic something, then increased dose effexor.
And yes I could cut back on ciggies, but my excuse not to is ‘only’ having 10 a day. And since I used to work with people who smoked 50+ a day - as did my now-not-surprisingly-dead uncle - I deludedly consider myself a light smoker!
Edit: never can get japh’s handle spelt right the first time.
Edit 2: and thanks to you too, @ChickieD. And no, your problem, while of the first world, is not First World. Everyone’s got their own shit going on.
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We will stahp 
but effexor sucks. CBD is waaaaay more effective, with less anhedonia, and cheaper.
We are here. Not just to give advice, but primarily to listen.
…
And terrible jokes.
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Yes, I’d noticed. Particularly the terrible jokes and worse puns. 
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You do you, darlin’. Don’t ever change!
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Self-delusion is the name of the game. To paraphrase Terry Pratchett: Sanity is a hard state to achieve. However, if you can induce a hallucination that you are sane, well, that’s a hallucination that is shared by most people.
Whatever you need to do to keep that hallucination intact (barring doing harm to someone other than yourself), I fully support.
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Preach it!
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CBDs are amazing.
Also sleep and a good diet and exercise is really overpowered. For everything from living longer to living happier to saving a bundle on medical expenses to thinking more clearly and feeling better.
And those things are even cheaper than CBD!
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