Gentleman tries to bite tortoise, but tortoise bites first


#1

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#2

She said: “I told him to stick his head in the tank and then we managed to get the tortoise off.”

Now I finally get the meaning of the word “drunk tank.”

Let’s hope this incident has tortoise all a valuable lesson.


#3

Don’t taunt a happy fun turtle.


#4

I get a lot of satisfaction knowing the Mr. Turtle had his day.


#5

There’s good eating on one of those.


#6

I take it you mean humans.


#7

When i’m bored i lay down the floor and pretend i’m a carrot. When I saw this I might go and lay down the dirt one more time.


#8

Reminded of this old joke, have you guys heard this before?

“He reaches down and grabs this box, slides the top and there was something in the box moving around. He reaches in and he pulls out this turtle. He reaches down, this turtle’s snapping and he says, ‘I’m going to show you toughness.’ He unzips his pants and takes out his penis. The turtle reaches up and snaps onto his penis. You see the veins and the sweat (on Hayes). He screams at the coaches, ‘That’s toughness! That’s f’n toughness!’ He reaches down, pokes the turtle right in the eye and it falls off. He wipes the sweat off his forehead and says, ‘That’s the problem. We don’t have anybody in this room tough enough to do that right there.

“(One assistant) raises his hand and says, ‘Coach, I’d do this. Just promise not to poke me in the eye.'”

#9

Once you get past the smell of alcohol fumes, anyway.


#10

from the article:
“A friend of the man told the security guards that when drunk, he often made the same joke when walking back home through the market”

Actually I think this is hilarious “running gag” to do to a street vendor, but now it’s even more funny that it backfired this time haha


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#13

The version I know involves an alligator, and the punchline is ‘no, I don’t think I could keep my mouth open that long’.


#14

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