Cop shoots aggressive tortoise



Cop arrested after admitting he wasn't shot by “Hispanic Man,” but rather shot himself and lied

If you want to stop a tortoise from charging, you don’t shoot him – just take away his credit card.

NB: I say “him/his” because that photo is so obviously male.


Shouldn’t all the “cop shoot n” posts come with a trigger warning?

Or should that be on the cops?


I really hope the story includes a bit about how the tortoise was too fast for him to outrun.


How is this not an Onion article?


I might be inclined to suggest that such happenings wouldn’t be entirely out of character for Uganda, where, as the article artfully puts, the “officer’s extreme reaction to the attack may have been down to local superstitions”.

But then again, the only thing stopping something similar from happening in the US on a regular basis would probably be the lack of wild tortoises.


So you’re saying the tortoise was gay?


Was it Gamera? Please tell me it was Gamera.


“Gamera is really neat! Gamera is full of meat! We believe in Gamera!”


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