Congrats! Keep up the hard work! We’re always happy to be a source of comfort, distraction, whatever!
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Pick english-language songs that you love and that haven’t yet been performed in Finnish and post youtubes of them in Finnish. I think you said you knew a guitarist 
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Domestic partner, or just partner could work.
I’m sorry I missed this thread until now. Kudos to you for taking on this incredibly difficult challenge!
Doing something physical, so that you’re actually tired when you’re done, is always good therapy.
Is there someplace nearby where you could volunteer on a weekly (or more) basis? An animal shelter is probably the best choice, but only you know what you’re interested in and what’s easily available. Paying attention to others can really help get your mind off yourself.
I haven’t finished reading the thread yet, but all the suggestions so far have been wonderful!
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Thank you! 
Chatting with BoingBoingers has kept me busy.
That would be a great idea, as my boyfriend is indeed a very talented guitarist, but I have a very bad singing voice, so I don’t think it would work. 
The volunteering idea is great! I would love to help out at an animal shelter or a similar place - I’ll have to look up local places and opportunities. I probably won’t be doing that quite yet, because the withdrawals make leaving the house and actually doing something a quite difficult experience, but maybe after a week I’ll be in a good enough condition. Definitely by the end of the month!
God I wish I had a dog right now. They are the greatest form of therapy. I do have a dog in a way, but after I moved to a different city he stayed with my mom. Also, horses. I love horseback riding and did it for maybe 5 years when I was younger; we even rented a horse for a year. Just a few months ago, I got to join a group where we had 6 horseback riding classes for a really cheap price, but I miss just being able to ride whenever, ride through the forests and fields. Some people let you ride their horses for free if you take care of the horse and the stable; I wish I can find a person like that.
So, DAY 11. Feeling like crap, worse than I have for days. I got the flu (from my boyfriend - we share everything) and an I have an infection in my eye. So my nose is running and my eye is stinging and watering. And I’m still eating barely 500 calories a day. Awesome. I’m gonna go to sleep and hope tomorrow is a better day.
For the end of the day vibes, I’m gonna present to you a video I made when I was 14. If you like Wolf’s Rain, you might enjoy this, I don’t know. Watching it again after a long while just made me feel a little proud that there are things in life I can create that people appreciate (just to brag a little; this has been watched 1,3 million times).
It gives me just a little bit of fighting spirit. I really need it.
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Coming a bit late but maybe still in time to provide some options.
Documentaries. Lots of docs floating out there. And various open-university online lectures.
Find whatever genre “talks” to you. In my case it is about mishaps, best the nuclear and aerospace kind, closely followed with process plants and construction works. (“Seconds to disaster” and “Air Crash Investigations” are good series, and have many siblings. Then there are various safety videos, e.g. the USCSB channel on youtube.) (I cannot watch movies much, as the relationshippy aspects between the characters push some of my more painful buttons, in a way an analysis of a burning refinery or exploding reactor won’t.)
And metallurgy, and material engineering in general - alloys, glasses, ceramics, composites… name it and go to the molecular/lattice level and it gets fascinating. Sometimes the lectures can get a bit slow and the mind wanders away; Youtube HTML5 player allows 1.25 and 1.5 times faster playback, which can be helpful.
Then there is Wikipedia. Some endemic things are more in-depth described in Finnish than in English version and beg for translation. Others are underdeveloped and in the need of sourcing more data. That requires a mindset that’s usable for writing (I didn’t write much lately because of that). Picking some obscure niche where there are no self-appointed topic cops is also good for avoiding conflicts. Another thing that can take a lot of time is compiling tables; I did so with soldering/brazing alloys and with crystal oscillator frequencies and a few others, each can take a day or three on its own.
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This is an AMAZING AND AWESOME TV show. It even modifies the protagonist’s voice as he ages. Character development abounds, without the sappiness of a regular TV show. Instead of asking how a character has changed at the end of a show because of experience, it just shows how the characters change without need for a stupid round-table that bashes the viewer over the head.
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Write: Just keep writing, blog it, hide it from the world, doesn’t matter, it’s a great, frustrating and challenging way to spend some time and get your mind on or off of a thing.
Just plow ahead, don’t worry about whether you think it’s any good or useful, or even makes sense. (Like I do, on here, sorry folks)
Compose poetry! That’s hard, and takes a lot out of you, for a non-physical activity, and you don’t have to stress about it being awful. It’s all awful to someone, even that which some find brilliant is crap to someone else. Get a streaming audio service and listen to poetry for hours, that can be fun.
listen to binaural beats audio on a really good pair of headphones maybe? Many of them are marketed/hyped as ‘digital drugs’ which is a bit distasteful and inaccurate of course.
It might be woo of course, I’m not selling it as a scientifically sound treatment or any such. But it’s neat, and many find various beats calming, soothing, trippy, or focusing. (Music does those things so the binaural beats might have the same effect even if all that about brainwave entrainment is nonsense.)
For me anyway, Good headphones make an incredible difference in how neat I find listening to them. With decent earbuds I felt stupid listening to them, with $50 headphones I am pretty amazed at the results I get. In terms of meditation, creative inspiration and being amused by them, not that they healed some ailment or treated some condition.
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Why am I not surprised you watch metallurgy lectures on fast-forward for fun?
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LOL! But still, it makes me think of some of the best all-time lines:
- Know thyself;
- To thine own self be true;
etc.
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Methadone clinics are a godsend. Should you find yourself in a predicament in the future, please investigate what they have to offer, if used correctly. Godspeed, hope you are feeling better. Don’t let anyone trivialize what you are going through, it’s a special kind of hell that is hard to appreciate from the outside.
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Hi Raita! I just found this thread on the BBS and wanted to say congratulations to you. I’m impressed with your setting the goal for yourself and impressed that you’re sticking with it. Good luck!
Anime rec: If you like Ghost in the Shell have you ever watched Lain: Serial Experiments? I thought that was a very cool and mind-bending short series.
Music rec: Do you know the Violent Femmes’ first album? That sounds like it fits the spirit of music you like - dark feelings and thoughts, yet somehow very up-beat. I’ve loved that album for over 30 years now. Also, the Modest Mouse song ‘The Good Times Are Killing Me’ has the same recognition at it’s heart as that Ismo Alanko song you quote - it felt great, but it’s been killing me. I could go on and on about music; it feels very important to me.
Reading: Do you like the comfort of reading series books? There are lots of great SF & fantasy series which for me work well at taking me out of myself for a while. Steve Brust’s Dragaera books for instance: very well-written, he does some very clever stuff with the structure and format of the books, and while each book stands alone, there is a very complex story arc and backstory of the world emerging over the course of the volumes. Or Patrick O’Brian’s sea novels of Captain Jack Aubrey.
A personal question, if you don’t mind my asking: Do you have a sense of why you got into the drug use in the first place? I think for a lot of people - and I speak as a former pot-head, non-opiate drug user, and serious drinker - they drift into it to just “take the edge off” some kind of emotional pain and discomfort. The problem is that what it takes to take the edge off keeps increasing, and then the effects of the use start causing more problems and pain that you feel the need to avoid… just as that Ismo Alanko song expresses.
If that’s part of the process for you, it’s possible adding some kind of meditation practice to your life might help you avoid sliding back into it. For me, Zen meditation turned out to be part of the answer - I think doing it all along, however half-assed I was about it, kept me from getting completely out of control. In recent years, as the Zen practice “clicked” for me and started really working, I’ve found I’m just not interested any more in blotting out what I’m feeling, I very rarely feel I would want to get high, and I don’t feel the need to follow through on that feeling. I don’t want to drone on about it on your thread if it doesn’t seem helpful to you, but if you are interested I could talk about it a little more.
And yes, pets are great. There is nothing like the unconditional love of a loving dog; I hope in the future you get into a situation where you can have one with you!
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I’m sorry to say that I’m going to be writing short replies right now, because I’m tired as hell. Funnily enough, the flu is making me feel worse than the withdrawals (or maybe it’s the combination).
It’s day 13. I guess I’m now officially using this thread as my personal blog. Haven’t really done anything else except fetch my medication from the pharmacy (where I’m having these super annoying bureaucracy problems, which are not my fault at all, but I’m not gonna go into that), laid down on the sofa and watched Modern Family.
Also, I started knitting socks. I’ve knitted before, but with bigger needles and thread, so this is a bit challenging, but I’m doing it.
You know me eerily well. I love documentaries of all kinds; nature, historical, murder/kidnapping cases, stuff like Enron and Chasing Madoff… there’s this great documentary series called Everest: Beyond The Limit, where people climb the Everest, even people like a double-amputee.
Oh, and Air Crash Investigations is my guilty pleasure. I love to know all those little details that make things fail and crash. Is it bad that I feel like the more people died in the crash, the better the episode? It’s probably bad. I’d love to watch documentaries about aerospace disasters, or any other disasters really.
Lectures are always great. As far as Wikipedia goes… maybe I should finde a niche that lacks information (in either Finnish or English) and write about them. Oh, and compiling tables… now youäve hit my sweet spot! I seriously mean that I get huge enjoyment out of organizing data. I can do it for hours to an end.
Adventure Time as been mentioned too many times in BB for me to ignore it. It’s on my to-watch list, for sure.
I love writing and do it all the time. I’m kind of working on something right now, I’m not gonna say what because talking about it all over the place would ruin the whole thing if it doesn’t end up anywhere.
In any case, I’ve tried writing blogs; one was about bullying (in Finalnd, and in Finnish), the other about game design (in English). I think both could have something there, but I’m just really bad at keeping a regular schedule.
I’ve tried binaural beats, but regular music does it (whether “it” is calming down, or getting focused, or whatever) better for me. I have great headphones, got them as a gift from my brother, they are apparently worth about 100$ so thank god for a great brother.
Substitution therapy (typically buprenorpine here) is an option that I have considered, but they try to not give it people who have “only” been addicted for a little over 3 years. Maybe if this fails, and the cycle keeps going over and over, it will become an actually viable option. Right now, I’ll try to just actually get clean. Not that I won’t be using drugs occasionally, I’ve never promised that to anyone. One step at a time.
I have obtained Serial Experiments Lain but have yet to watch it. It certainly sounds like the kind of anime I’d enjoy.
I haven’t heard of Violent Femmes before, but I’m checking them out right now on Youtube and they sound pretty good. Also, I love Modest Mouse!
I love reading books of all genres (except maybe romance, but I would be open to one either way), but while in withdrawals I’ve barely read anything, It’s just seems like a lot of work, unlike watching things or doing something with my hands (like knitting or drawing).
It’s such a long story that getting into it all would take forever. I’m just gonna say that I have a multitude of mental health problems, including but not limited to Aspergers, depression and general anxiety disorder. I’ve been to all kinds of theraphy, institutions and even spent 4 months in a hospital. I haven’t been able to get forward in life, I’m so behind - except when I started using opioids. They really help me, in every possible way, to get through life. Once I started using opioids, I was able to complete this course and then finally, at the age of 21, enter a school that’s equivalent to your highschools. I mean, I’ve used all kinds of drugs you can imagine (more than 50, to be exact), I’ve been really messed up and just wanted to crawl up into the comfort of drugs, drugs and more drugs. but opioids - they have truly helped me. It hasn’t caused me problems with relationships, or money, or anything. It’s just that continuing to use an illegal drug with ease is pretty damn hard in this world. I mean, theere are downsides - it does cost a lot of money, though not so much that it’s a problem. I also am unable to travel abroad, which is one of the things that I find the most important.
So right now, I feel that the only options are that I get the medication I need to survive, or I continue my opioid usage. Why haven’t I gotten the necessary meds before, you ask? Well, for one, I refused to believe I have Aspergers for a long time and therefore never officially got tested for it despite doctors agreeing that I probably have it, Secondly, because they have on my files that I’ve done some drugs some time in the past, I must be a junkie only looking for a fix and not actually need the medication. I was even doubted when I went to the doctor about my joint problems, which I’ve had all my life and had various test done about them - she suspiciously asked if I was looking to get some medication. No, I just want to know what’s wrong with my joints because they hurt! (Which I now know is probably psoriasis, btw).
Sorry for the angry rant. It just annoys me to no end that people assume that drug usage is my problem - no, it’s the symptom to much deeper problems which I had ages before I even started taking drugs!
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So, I… what do you call it? Slipped? Relapsed? The day before tomorrow (day 17), I used once. Surprise!
The bad news: I failed everyone’s expectations (I didn’t really tell anyone, but I failed them in my mind and that’s what matters). The good news: I really didn’t even enjoy it, I mean sure it felt good, but I had a major “so now what?” moment. It felt good yet pointless. It’s now been two days and I don’t really feel that bad withdrawals. I’m actually happy to be on the medication that I am right now, and I feel like I’d rather use these meds than opioids.
I personally don’t feel like I failed. Right now, I want opioids even less than I did before the little relapse, so it’s like I got that out of my system. Everyone relapses at some point during opioid recovery - the point is to not keep doing it, and right now I certainly don’t want to. The bad news is that I’ve been craving stimulants like crazy. I took some speed the other day and now I keep wanting more. I certainly don’t want to exchange opioid use for stimulant use, because in my opinion and experience, that leads to far worse outcomes. I wish I could stop wanting to use drugs entirely, but that’s just not happening. Well, I guess stopping this opioid addiction is the first step.
So, day 19. Feeling pretty alright, physically. Mentally? Confused, but getting there.
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It’s okay!
That’s probably a positive!
We’re all backing you and believe you can do this!
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Relapse happens. The biggest mistake people make with relapse is thinking “well I blew it, so now my recovery meant nothing and I might as well just go all the way and get WRECKED.” Relapse happens, it’s just a step in the process and it’s only as bad as you make it. Now you know what that feels like, and you’ve got even more info to help you move forward in recovery.
Hang in there!
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That’s just what I was going to say, but you said it much better.
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God bless Prochaska et al. and the “Stages of Change/Transtheoretical Model.” Developed for addiction but applicable to so many kinds of change processes. “Planning for relapse” is one of the most helpful things I’ve been able to do with clients.
Ooh, yeah, I can see how that would be applicable across a broad range of human behavior!
“Avatar: The Last Airbender” is an excellent YA fantasy adventure set in a non standard setting. There are lots of episodes . . . and then an equally good sequel, “The Legend of Korra.”
Someone already mentioned “Adventure Time.” To that I’ll add “Steven Universe,” a very genial SF/Fantasy about a goofball kid mentored by three superpowered heroines.
Thank you. 
Love you, @Mindysan33
That’s exactly what I was thinking. I relapsed, and it’s no problem, because it’s not the end of the world. It made the withdrawals a bit worse (and it really was only a bit) for a couple of days but that’s it. Thanks for the kind words.
Gonna check that out. I don’t know much about addiction recovery “models” (I only know the “12 steps”, and disagree with it most passionately) - mine is to quit with as heavy a medication as possible and work through it mentally so I don’t want to start using again.
I’ve watched Avatar and loved it! I actually binge-watched it when I was in half-withdrawals and there was only like 5 days left till Netflix stopped showing it. It was perfect material for recovery. Haven’t seen The Legend of Korra yet - how far are they in now? I like watching my shows season at a time.
I’m gonna watch Adventure Time today, it’s been too long already. I’ll check out Steven Universe and put it on my list. Thanks for the suggestions!
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