I have a nephew with a natural chunk of white in his hair, I think it looks smashing. Don’t think of it as a defect!
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Again, what’s “age appropriate” hair color?
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…you must be reading something into this word “appropriate.” How about if I change it to “natural,” as in “showing her grey at this point would be natural.” Better?
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My mother is in her mid-80s and still only has a few strands of gray hair. She’s never colored her hair.
It is just as ‘natural’ and ‘appropriate’ for women over 50 to have non-gray hair as to have gray hair.
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Now this is just me, but I’d guess many other women here might agree on this. When I hear someone tell me that what I’m wearing/doing with my hair/what have you isn’t “appropriate”, it tends to be someone who thinks they have authority over me in some manner, that they can dictate how I look. As a grown ass adult, I most certainly do not appreciate that, being treated like a wayward child.
And we live in a culture that constantly tells women how we SHOULD look at every single age. It’s exhausting constantly having to negotiate that. Clearly your wife gets something out of coloring her hair, even if she fusses over it. That could be getting a little bit of pleasure over seeing her hair how she likes it and feeling more confident in that.
And I have to agree with @anon67050589… Hair is a weird thing, and there is very little “natural” because we’re all a little different…
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Nope; it still comes off sounding pretty fucked up, even if you rephrase it that way.
What’s “appropriate” is your wife doing whatever the hell she wants with her hair, regardless to what anyone else thinks… even you.
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My grandmother had a lovely head of grey hair. And underneath it was her natural black hair that never changed.
My mother started going a near-transparent white in her twenties. I have started, but it’s in face-framing streaks that look almost salon created (I say “almost” because there are a few other strays mixed throughout and nothing else about my hair screams “style”).
Hair is weird, unpredictable and wonderful. And I look forward to the day when we finally let go of the last grasps of “appropriate”.
On a good news hair front: New York City has made it illegal to discriminate against Black hairstyles. Because, seriously, if any demographic needs less policing on the basis of hair, it’s Black people, and especially Black women.
ETA: to be clear, that last line is sincere, and NOT sarcastic.
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I’ve always had a sprinking of gray strands in my hair. Starting in my 20s, I played around with highlights and hair colors-- my favorite was red, anything from maroon to light auburns. My gray started to really come in during my 30s. I would have loved getting bride-of-Frankenstein streaks, but alas, it didn’t work out that way. 
I kept coloring for a while, but a little after 40, I decided to stop. Hair color can be tough on hair, and mine was pretty fried. My ex wouldn’t have approved, but he was out of the picture. And I wanted to see what it looked like naturally.
It was frustrating, waiting for the colored parts to grow out, though at the time the ombre look was in, so I figured, okay, it’s an ombre. Once it was done, though, I liked it enough to keep it. It’s me. It reminds me of my mom’s hair, which was a lovely silver-gray-brown blend. Sometimes I wonder if it makes me look old… but if it does, so what? If anyone objects or disapproves, that’s their problem, not mine. And I’ve had more than one person say I look too young to be so gray… and quite a few compliments on it, or people asking, where did I go to get it streaked like that. #grayhairdon’tcare
I’m not going to say I’ll never color again, but if i do, I’ll do it to suit myself. I’d dearly love to go for a deep purple shade. But then I think about the time and trouble to keep it up when it fades, or starts growing out, plus my gray is color-resistant. And I say, not yet. I’m happy being me. (For now, at least. 
)
I disagree. I don’t consider myself beautiful, and I think I do okay. And my hair isn’t solid yet, it’s still pretty streaky. I think if a color makes you feel good, you’ll look better, but that’s me. And I’d hardly call a gray patch a “defect”-- like I said, I’d have been overjoyed with a couple of bride-of-Frankenstein streaks. (Mother Nature didn’t comply.) I get that society on the whole judges us all for whether we’re pretty enough, or young enough, or <insert artifical standard> enough. And it’s hard to shake it off. I still struggle with it sometimes. But I think it’s better to make one’s own choices. If that’s natural color, great, if it’s hair color, that’s great too. But do it for yourself… and enjoy the result, whatever it is.
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That sounds familiar. Come look at our (not used) pre-owned cars!
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I joke that I’m going platinum, I’m just doing it the long way.
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Ah, thanks. I never understood that. I assumed that it was a failed grey as the blue/lavender seemed more grey than white.
I guess you don’t notice the “good” dye jobs…
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Mine’s going grey faster now, and while it’s periodically bizarre to look in the mirror and think, “that’s not ME is it?!”, I’m just not going to start doing maintenance now that I couldn’t be bothered to do the rest of my life. So yeah; that’s me.
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I colour mine every 3-4 weeks, and have it done professionally. I used to dye it but it’s black and I just made a mess. I have thin, fine hair and if I let it go gray, it would NOT look good. If I had thick hair it would be different. I have a friend with thick, completely white hair and it’s stunning. I’m in my 60s and have no intention of not colouring my hair - ever, and it doesn’t look strange. I do envy those with ‘good’ hair and think there’s no reason to colour it if one doesn’t want to.
Mostly it’s about freeing oneself from these silly social pressures that women have around aging.
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I get what you’re saying. My husband says the same thing - ‘go gray and skip the trouble’. But he’s fine with my hair colour - which is just retaining the natural hair colour.
Come to think of it, if I go gray then I can have that cobalt hair I’ve always wanted lol.
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The shooting stars in your dark hair,
Are going where? so straight so soon.
Come let me wash it in this big tin basin,
Battered and shiny like the moon.
from Shampoo by Elizabeth Bishop (and a line I’ve stolen shamelessly before now)
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