Ground Meat Chopper

True, this chopper thing is dumb, but nothing is dumber than The Rollie - Alton Brown takedown.

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You guys sure do hock a whole lotta crap these days.


They sure do…they sure do…

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I have one that has 5 blades on it. I prefer my hamburger pretty finely broken up. Yeah, you do have to knock some stuff out from in between the blades, but it makes short work of the task. Much less work to achieve uniform small particle size than with a single bladed tool. A bunch of haters in here if you ask me (no one did). Makes pretty quick guacamole, too.

Mix and chop

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I nabbed a potato masher at a lawn sale years ago, stainless, works great to make Cincinnati chili. This plastic thing is an abomination: use a damn bamboo spatula if you don’t have a masher or something. Once it is semi-mashed use a whisk.

Now if you could combine it with a USB charger, then by golly I’m in for three, maybe four.


[huh, this was taken down the first time I posted…]

I think the term is “Amazon referral fee link” garbage.

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That Kitchen Mallet thing is hilarious. just buy a 5 pound rubber mallet and use it for everything, it’s not like it’s touching your food. Easily the best thing I’ve bought in years and I use it all the goddamn time.


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At my house, we call it a “spoon.”

Except ours can pick up stuff too. WTF?

Everyone is going off-topic; can we please


That video delivered. But in the words of Randall Munroe… what if we used more power?


Come on man, can’t you shill less embarrassing things?

Huh. I’d use this thing. I generally buy my ground beef as frozen hamburger patties (The Kroger brand they sell at Ralphs, generally the 85% lean kind). It’s a minor pain to break them up with a spatula. This thing looks like it would be a slightly more minor pain. Or less major. Whatever.

  • demi-mushing cooked root vegetables
  • mushing soft fruits (tomatoes, rasberries, avocados, etc.)
  • mushing mushrooms
  • stiring liquids
  • casting spells
  • bewildering friends
  • anything you might use an ordinary stick for

I really liked crudely shaped 2x4/meat hammer from the previous posting on kitchen tools. In fact there is probably no kitchen task you could not accomplish with a crudely shaped 2x4. Including chopping hamburger. Seriously. I loved the meat hammer.

This one, however… is just bizarre.

So I have a theory. Consider Mark’s recommendation for the thee-bladed unitool: “did a good job of efficiently breaking up the meat (it was partially frozen) - much better than a spatula, and fun to use, too!”

Now compare this to Mark’s immediately preceding post, “Everyone need a kitchen hammer” (, By a strange concidence, “Matthias shows how he uses a club-like kitchen hammer to help chop frozen food.” Plus, while a three-sided spatula MAY be more fun that a two-sided spatula, there can be no doubt whatsoever that a crudely shaped 2x4 is WAY more fun than a 3-sided spatula. No competition. A 2x4 wins.

And my theory is this: that the Conde Nast overlords have commanded Mark to hock this reject from a Dr Zeuss book, and Mark has complied while not-so-subtly signalling his displeasure at being forced to do so.

Just a theory. But it is a strange coincidence.

So. Just to summarize: crudely carved 2x4 as a kitchen utensil – a brilliant examplar of what the BoingBoing brand stands for. 3-sided spatula: what happens when the company that owns Wedding Bells magazine tries to leverage the BoingBoing brand to promote something that is the complete antithesis of everything BoingBoing stands for.


Exactly what I first thought of.

It looks pretty aerodynamic, so I guess you could throw it at people who come griping about dinner not being ready yet as well as poking balls of mince.

As a small mace for self-defense purposes? In case someone breaks in while you’re cooking dinner and for some reason all your knives are out of reach?

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