No. I’m saying you should get on a plane, fly to Manila, and find a man named Yat at the Airport Tiki bar. He will take you to a seedy underground nightclub where you must engage in three rounds of bareknuckle boxing in order to win the grand prize of 5000 pesos in a dark blue bag. At the bottom of the bag will be directions and the keys to a Vespa.
Ride the Vespa to the directions given. You should reach a bank. You will be greeted at the door by a man whose name is inexplicably and unaccountably Charlie, even though you will agree with me that his face definitely has “Greg” written all over it. He will take you past the vaults to a small room with two shirtless men counting money over a bloody knife and a pile of cocaine. Ignore them. In the corner of the room in a Hello Kitty backpack you will find an envelope. In that envelope will be an engraved invitation to a wedding. Select your dining preferences and list any allergies you may have and when you reach the bottom of the invitation, you’ll see a small “PS”. The PS will read, “P.S. WHY AREN’T YOU WATCHING DRUNKEN ANGEL!”
