Help wanted: Professional Christmas light untangler


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The most memorable part of the Communist Manifesto, for me, (gonna do some REAL HEAVY paraphrasing here) was the idea that society ought to be organized in such a way that each person should be able to participate in all walks of life, that the ideal would be that every person would have time to contribute to manual labor, intellectual labor, artistic expression and political life. If life were organized such that my time was divided between my formal work, politics, art and indulging my niche-useful skills like this to help others, I’d be a degree happier of a person than I am now.

Basically what I’m saying is that I’d like to be a part-time refrigerator organizer.


Can I be a spice drawer organizer?


I want this job. Too bad I don’t live in sunny England.

I alternately want the job of sorting out the bolts and nuts bins at the local hardware store. It drives me nuts to reach in and get the wrong size bolt!


I can handle the first part but is it gonna count against me if I wish customers a happy Hanukkah?

Only before and during Hanukkah, of course. After that it’s sweet Solstice. Then Christmas.


I’d rather be put a fire and extinguished with an ice pick.


So when you grab the wrong size nut does it drive you bolts?

Edit to add: a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel stuffed down the front of his trousers. The bartender asks, “What’s with the steering wheel?”

The pirate says, “It drives me nuts!”




how the h*** does this cost less than a new set of lights?


OMG I need someone to organize my spice drawer (technically it’s one drawer, one shelf, and a mostly empty blue rubbermaid bin)
it’s probably going to require equal parts labour and new hardware


I’m fairly sure that this job description refutes a loving god.

I have…affectively salient…memories of being conscripted into the family Christmas operations, as light-untangler “But you are so good with electronics!” Yes; but that is orthogonal to being a skilled knot theorist or having a masochistic lust for agonizing tedium. Ah, the holidays…


I feel like they’re going for something similar to a free giftwrapping type service. Something to get people into the store and make them feel christmassy. I can’t imagine the store charging for this service



What so you can pay and then untangle them? No thank you, sir.


Absolutely! If we can find someone to rifle through the tupperware, we might just be unstoppable…


I wonder if this is a salaried position with full benefits and profit-sharing?


I did that with the electronics parts drawers when I worked at RadioShack. The store manager always got upset with that use of my downtime. It’s not like I can sell phones when nobody’s in the store anyway, but she always felt that organizing the parts drawer was a waste of my time compared with staring at the door waiting for nobody to come in.


It’s obvious she was upset at you taking away a skilled labor position from somebody else far more qualified.


Are you insinuating that I sucked at organizing small parts? Or that I was terrible at selling post-paid cellphones to people with terrible-to-no-credit?


You know what’s nice about Globalization and the Exploitation of workers in Third World Countries?

I can say “Screw It” and Chuck the bloody lights in the bin and go buy more for ten bucks.