Butterflies are terrifying enough without adornment.
Their random fluttering is the stuff of nightmares.
2 Likes
Not if you want any respect.
2 Likes
(I’m assuming that’s from Caddyshack… if not, my joke falls flat.)
3 Likes
Doesn’t “It” (genderless) neutralize your post?
If he gets nailed with a golf ball, he’d have no excuse given his golf course-camo.
3 Likes
On getting made fun of because of one’s name…
Richard Head. Not a target. Nope.
1 Like
When my son was very young, maybe 2 or so, he would look longingly at the sparkly pink girl stuff in the girls section of the toy store. Especially clothes. My response wasn’t “Hey, do your thing.” Oh no. It was “I’m not going to put up with you being one of those ugly cross dressers or transvestites. Hell No!” Yeah, those guys bother me. Not going to have that going on under my roof. But for every problem, there’s a solution. “If I have to get you lessons, I’m going to make darn sure you learn how to do makeup and clothes right! You’re going to be a good looking transvestite or else!” Problem solved!
Turns out he really really just likes bright pinks. Neon greens, flashy gold, reds, and purples too. Yet with conservative style dress (as an aside, it would be easier to shop for him if he was a cross dresser). He knows what he likes and is confident enough to wear it. No one teases him.
As they say, it takes a confident man to wear pink.
2 Likes
Not everyone comes out of bullying feeling that way. Some come out with entirely screwed up world views, some have serious PTSD for years that goes untreated, some commit suicide, and others lash out violently. Just because you feel stronger despite (or because of) the bullying doesn’t mean that the rest of us who suffered bullying feel that way or that it’s still some sort of “right of passage” that kids go through.
14 Likes
I think that list- and the items on my own list- ultimately proves that kids will find any excuse to bully other kids, once the victim is chosen. Trying to pre- emptively prevent bullying is like swatting flies with a pencil.
2 Likes
One of the teaching assistants in my son’s kindergarten class called my wife at work and demanded that she come to the school because she thought my son had “stolen” the pants of a girl in the class. He had not. He was simply wearing pants which were “slim cut” which the TA felt were “girl” pants. My wife explained to her that they were his pants and kindly told the woman not to waste her time in the future.
3 Likes
No it’s not a right of passage. I’m sure I came out stronger for it because I had good parents. I don’t necessarily thinking hiding your children away from reality or changing your name for fear of bullying is productive. I asked my father why didn’t change our last name. He told me someone had but his father changed it back, why? because fuck bullies that’s why. I’m 40 something now… and whenever someone says anything about my name I laugh and know exactly what kind of person I’m dealing with. Recently some grade school mate who is FOAF on a social network was calling me a pussy (because I’m liberal) kept telling me I’d shit myself b/c he’s a big bad ass ex-marine who’s killed countless people. Then he asked why I never changed my name and that he would have changed it long ago as opposed to suffering the insults. I just don’t even understand what it’s like to be that self unaware.
2 Likes
o_0 so was there some girl in class saying he took her pants as well? Because pants alone… why would you even think that?
And I thought skinny pants were in?
2 Likes
I have it. And no, you don’t.
1 Like
Thanks for clarifying. I entirely agree that those who manage to deal with bullying in their childhood and not be too screwed up for it, are often lucky to have good parents. sometimes good parenting also means intervening with the school on behalf of your child. Children often do not have the tools to work through interpersonal conflicts alone. Sometimes these problems can be solved by the parents just being loving parents, but that’s not always the case, especially when it comet to cases of systemic violence against particular groups of people.
Maybe not, but then again, not all of us were lucky enough to have parents who were aware of the problem or parents who gave a shit. Bullying isn’t an individual problem anyway, it’s a social problem. Schools often end up punishing the bullied themselves, not the bullies, because they have the same screwed up perceptions of the kid getting bullied. That’s a problem that needs to be solved on the level of the classroom, school, and even district, as opposed to a problem the child is expected to solve on their own. The schools need to have safe environments for children to be able to learn how to do this.
My daughter’s school has a strong zero-tolerance policy in place (especially regarding violence) and that helps. But the school also has a policy of having the children work it out on their own as opposed to intervening initially. Kids who bring problems to the teachers are then expected to go back and work the conflict out, with the teachers providing strategies to help. The school also stresses individual value and worth of individuals and has a strong curriculum on peace and respect for others cultures. Now this is the case of a small, private school. But these methods have been used on a larger scale (Montessori methods).
Christ, what an asshole. Sorry that this dude was such an asshole.
3 Likes
There was no accusations of theft of pants from any of his classmates. It being kindergarten there was often extra clothes around so I guess the assumption was that he found some pants that weren’t his and decided to put them on. Most kids in his class wouldn’t care actually if he had borrowed their pants. Why would the TA care and be so upset about it? We have no idea. We had bought the pants and he chose to wear them that day. Skinny pants might be in for adults and teenagers but they are most definitely not “in” for children. Children’s clothes are very gendered and people get very disturbed if you try and rock the boat of gender stereotypes and let your kid wear pink while possessing a gender identity “opposed” to pink.
Hilariously now, my child no longer in kindergarten, the same TA looks after him at an after school programme and treats him like my mother treats gay people, which is to say she can’t leave him alone (always making comments based on her ideas of what a gay person should like - “You know I really love Cher”) and is always “celebrating his diversity”. Which I guess is better than persecution but it is kind of weird.
4 Likes
No doubt and I never meant to conflate me getting bullied because of my name (or b/c my mother was obese or because I was chubby or anything else I suffered) with what happens to minorities or people with disabilities. I’ve come across a few other people from my childhood that disagreed with my politics or didn’t like me as a child and it’s truly surreal to hear a 40 year old adult comment on the car your mother drove (b/c it was a “cheap” car) or try to tear you down about something from 35 years ago and wanting to kick your ass. Honestly I just leave those conversations feeling sorry for the other person.
5 Likes
Agreed. It was a long time ago I noticed we don’t call a girl in jeans a “crossdresser,” because boys’ clothes are normal, and girls’ clothes are …other than normal.
We live in a world where femininity is seen as weak or powerless. Who in their right mind wouldn’t want to be less weak or less powerless?
3 Likes
After attending just a few of my daughter’s middle school swim meets, it became obvious to all of us that if we ever saw a male swimmer wearing a pink swim cap, he (or his relay team) would usually end up winning something.
So…just a very simple question, if my daughter wants to get a skull and crossbones face painting, should I discourage her since that’s an aspect of toxic masculinity?
But if I had a son and all he wanted for toys were pink toys, pink Legos and Lego Friends to go with tnem, pink tutus, and so on, should I discourage him since those things being seen as “girly” is also a product of the patriarchy?
