Here's what a Disney Pirates ride looks like, without the sex-slave auction

Originally published at:


instead helping to run an auction for treasure.

See, how hard was that…


The new AAs look terrific. I’m hoping the English dialogue has the same spark as the rest of the ride, but so far this seems to fit seamlessly.


I guess, but a sex slave auction is so much more pirate.


just more white washing from Disney…

She looks good with a brace-and-a-half of pistols. Nice change!


If my memory serves correctly, when I was very young, we were once on this ride and it broke down at this point, so we got to listen to the dialogue for about an hour.

I had always been eventually planning on going back and seeing what kind of memories the scene stirred up, if any.

1 Like

So basically, “4channers are mad they can’t fap to this, now, either.”


Don’t worry sex-slave auction fans, the scenario will return in the family-freindly “ISIS of the Desert” ride, scheduled to open in the summer of 2156.


Finally, an auction where the payment is the same as the merchandise? Seriously, how does this scene make sense?

And it’s just… dull.

But I find I don’t care that much because story telling skills have been dropping more with nearly each change.

Carlos, don’t tell them where our valuables are vs. Carlos, don’t tell them where some Captain Sparrow is. I know we have no reason to be loyal to this stranger, but go ahead and be drowned, husband, because, I’m sure I’ll think of a reason… wait, is it knee-jerk IP recognition?

The truth is that, while Pirates has always been considered broken by Disney Co., what’s broken these days is their story-telling skills.

The pirates are bidding gold for items looted from the people of Tortuga.

No, it hasn’t. It’s one of their most popular and well known rides.


Well I for one think it was a dirty slander, to think upstanding pirates would ever enslave anybody. We all know they are only good clean fun, seekers of freedom and joy!


I don’t get it; in what twisted mind is “Pirate Queen” less hot than “women being sold into sexual slavery?”


Adolescent masturbators such as Ann Rice don’t realize sexual slavery is really only hot for an hour or two. It’s a dreary way of life.


They are bidding with money for… items. Why? Because they are art fanciers? No, they are bidding on them for their monetary value. You can see very well in the video that the objects are basically gold with gold and some more gold in the arms of the fat lady. It’s the booty they would have just stolen and they would have to use to pay for the items.

You don’t know the history of the ride. For just one example, personnel of Disney Co. were not satisfied with the final “dead time” – the final lift hill and loop between the ques and the sandy island with parrot and map in the original ride which typically backs up as well as being, they thought, a bore. The whole redesign in Paris – which bought them a story-wise smart ending using a drop and an immediate unload (presumable solving the unload backup problem, I hope, I don’t know) but kind of strange shipwreck-to- lift hill to looking down on the fort from a boat in wooden canals in the air effect. And there are others.

Should replace with something Americans find acceptable like pirate water boarding or shipping child labor overseas.


In the previous version, they were bidding with money for women. Why? Because they are woman fanciers?

Yes, I do.

Welcome to Boing Boing!


Yes, they are women fanciers. So to speak. Gold tableware is worth the same in bullion to these pirates. Different women have different values to the pirates. Thus an auction makes some kind of very basic motivational sense.

1 Like

Boing Boing is an advanced course in all things Disney; with the main emphasis on Disneyland.
Whether you want it or not.
Enjoy the ride!


And why is she just helping and not running the auction?