Hitler painting could be yours

Seriously though, the guy who is likely to snap this up is Dallas billionaire and Romney fundraiser, Harlan Crow. In addition to his sculpture gallery of famous dictators, Harlan has a couple paintings by Hitler, some of his personal stuff, and an autographed copy of Mein Kampf. One can only imagine what he would say to GOP megadonor and ultrazionist Sheldon Adelston, or the lovable Kochs whose dad spoke German and predicted an apocalyptic race war in the US.

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I read somewhere – I think it was on BB, actually, a year or so ago – that Max Fleischer (probably best known as the creator of Betty Boop), beat Hitler for a scholarship to art school, and actually felt guilty about it for a long time for speculations along the same lines…

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SEE PEOPLE!!! THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON’T SUPPORT THE ARTS!!!

(hyperbolic all caps mode off…)

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Yeah, in a better world, Adolf Hitler’s drawing comics about “The Übermensch” instead of trying to live them.

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See also Norman Spinrad. Not that I’ve read The Iron Dream, but still.

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Holy crap, this actually exists! I was just trying to imagine Adolf Hitler as Rob Liefeld.

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Spoiler alert: It’ll be purchased by an art gallery owner whose dad worked for Hitler. And he’ll do something useful with it.

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We save that honor in my household for Anne Geddes photos found at garage sales and the like. Nothing, not a signed Hitler still life or even Mors herself, makes one want to dawdle on the john less than creepy babies covered in foodstuffs staring blankly and uncomprehendingly into your soul.

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That at least has plenty of roughage.

I can’t find a picture online (I’ll try to remember to take a picture when I get home), but in our upstairs john we have a lobby card from the old Ronald Reagan western Law and Order showing ol’ Dutch being supported by Alex Nicol after having been shot in the shoulder. The lobby card was a hand-tinted version of this picture:

I don’t particularly relish the picture because of the bullet hole (however fake), but somehow The Gipper really helps move the mail.

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Hitler also painted landmarks because he was nearly homeless in Vienna and he was drawing post cards to sell to tourists.

Just a flesh wound there where the slug demolished his rotator cuff and may well have severed his subclavian artery and nerve and possibly the first rib, as well as opening a wound into the chest cavity and deflating the lungs, and then shattering the scapula on the way out. That’s the sort of wound that is likely to send the victim into shock instantly.

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But… but he’s winking at me!

Dutch’ll pull through, right?

Right?!

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That’s how we all start. Hitler’s art is not for sale because of its artistic merit.

He could have been a contender.

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All despots are/are human beings. The despots of history are painted as super villains. With our contemporary despots we sometimes don’t see that as we still see their human side. A worthy reminder.

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Then again, you have many “what if?” theories about if Hitler had never gone into politics. There was more than enough antisemitism and pan-german doctrine present in those years so the general run of events probably may not have played out differently at all, it wasn’t just the personal crusade of one man, he had plenty of backers. And if someone smarter or/and slightly less antisemitic was in power and hadn’t caused all the jewish scientists to flee the country, the Germans could have built an atom bomb before the Allies.

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What if… Hitler didn’t come to power in a vacuum. He had plenty of mates with similar ideas indeed. If he kept at painting, we might have come to revile Ernst Röhm instead of Adolf. (Ernst who? The leader of the murderous lot, the brown shirts, SA). Röhm was with Hitler from the beginning, friend and political ally of Hitler, going way back to the original Beer Hall Putsch.

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I wouldn’t knock him as being stupid. Strategically ignorant, certainly, but tactically, especially in politics, the guy was damn near brilliant in getting his way. And as @hakan_koseoglu mentions, he had plenty of help with his manipulation and barbarity.

If we ever get that time machine working we may have our work cut out for us. The to-do list so far includes:

  • Arrange a scholarship to École des Beaux-Arts for Hitler
  • Get Ernst Röhm’s father to attend some family counseling, then have him encourage his son to follow his footsteps in the railway industry. (Make sure they run on time!)
  • Make sure Erwin Rommel pursues his childhood ambition of becoming a mechanical engineer.
  • Withdraw Josef Mengele’s acceptance letter from medical school, and encourage him to go back to music.
  • Offer Goebbels a high-paying job at a Madison Avenue ad firm.
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There’s another of his pics I’ve seen looks like about fifteen minutes into a good line of ketamine in all the corners.

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