Honest Trailer for Jupiter Ascending celebrates the film’s absurdity

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I think Ayy Lmao’s performance was particularly riveting.


Man, if this was a pulp book series in the '90’s, I’m sure 13 year old me would’ve been all up in it.


Astoundingly Awful piece of shiit!

Can I please have my 127 minutes back!

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Everything in the honest trailer is correct. Also, I loved this movie.


I dunno, there’s plenty of good, complex science fiction movies with plots that, if quickly and selectively described in a snide voice with lots of sarcastic captions, could be made to sound idiotic. (Not saying this movie isn’t idiotic, just not a fan of that particular type of easy snark.)

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Thanks to this Honest Trailer, I’ll be keeping my 127 minutes and squandering them on something else.


Hehehe… I walked out after 20 minutes, it might have been 30 minutes but I have expunged the memory of the whole experience…

But it was a bag of shit…


I felt that the Wachowski’s were going for the fantastic absurdity of The Fifth Element, and missed (they got the absurdity right, but failed to make it work like Luc Besson did). I felt, similarly, that Eddie Redmayne was trying to channel Gary Oldman (from either The Professional or The Fifth Element), and missed.


I just kept waiting for Sean Bean to die…

I really wanted to like this movie, but I just couldn’t bring myself to care about ANYTHING that happened in it. I guess it was fantastically boring.

I thought it could also be readily compared to Flash Gordon, The Chronicles of Riddick, and maybe Dune – a long tradition of ludicrously-overblown and nigh-incomprehensible sci-fi epics. Fantastic absurdity is probably the only target they could still aim for after their grand ambitions fell short. I am a little curious as to what they might manage to salvage with the inevitable Director’s Cut, and I suspect they’re not going to stop with just one as the years go by.

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Funnily enough, thanks to this Honest Trailer, I kinda can’t wait to see this now.


I watched… hmm, no that’s wrong… I sat in a chair whilst this film was projected at a screen in front of me and photons from the screen were reflected into my eyes creating an illusion of motion in my mind.

Oh! Y’know when a film is so bad that it’s kinda weirdly enjoyable? Well, this film is soooo fucking atrocious that you want to claw out your eyes just to shove them into your ears so you don’t have to experience any more of it.

Well, let’s put it this way - I found Cloud Atlas weirdly enjoyable in that same vein, so I have high hopes for another “Weird and terribly awful indecipherable big budget Wachowski film” here.

I actually liked some of Cloud Atlas also, there was a fair amount of crap in it but it held together as a film.

The assorted clumps of inarticulate idiocy sequenced together, one after the other, in Jupiter Ascending is an exercise in personal perseverance and if you do get the end of it without acquiring a deep depression about the state of film making emerging from the Wachowskis, I would encourage you to come back here and attempt to offload the terrible weight of psychological stress this film will invoke in you.

One of the more revealing tidbits of Trivia from the movie’s IMDB page:

According to the directors, the script was over 600 pages long.

It would seem the 120-odd pages they were able to release as filmed entertainment lost something in the process.

The production design of ships, et alia, has always looked fantastic.

Having actually seen the movie, I just can’t appreciate how utterly absurd this trailer makes it sound, alas.

I did find it curious that so many of the reviews of this film ended up having positive things to say about Speed Racer, which is not something I’ve heard people say positive things about before. Perhaps I should track it down now. (None of those reviews ended up mentioning Bound, which was an entirely serviceable film and suggests the Wachowskis might not yet be finished even if no one gives them tens of millions of dollars ever again.)

Also, BoingBoing is suggesting this related article from three years ago now. Ha! Ha! Ha!

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I’m pretty sure it’s been positively mentioned 'round these parts… I actually quite enjoyed that one too.