I don’t plan on seeing the movie in a theater. I’ve got 3 small kids, and the only movies I see in the theater are from Disney, and I’m the only one awake at the end, crying silently into my wallet.
<img src="/uploads/default/original/3X/c/4/c4a888e6d993ae9bd3a6db482a8a284b0ed1af41.gif" width=“500” height=“240” alt=“in THIS house we don’t hit our baby brothers with monster trucks”" title=“in THIS house we don’t hit our baby brothers with monster trucks”>
I saw the Matrix degrade slowly and beautifully, but did not see Speed Racer, nor Cloud Atlas.
I’ve been enjoying the JA reviews.
I enjoyed Jupiter Ascending way more than The Phantom Menace, mainly because I enjoy hilariously bad movies much more than numbing mediocrities. And Jupiter Ascending is hilarious, and bad. You can feel the Wachowskis trying to come up with a visual idea half as compelling as bullet time—and what they land on is Channing Tatum’s sky-boots, which don’t so much allow him to “fly” as roller-skate through the air. Close to two hundred million dollars, and the Wachowskis came up with Space Xanadu.
The plot is this: the Wachowskis were given an extraordinary amount of money to make whatever the hell they wanted, and what they wanted to make is exactly what we all, secretly, deep down, want to make: the big-screen adaptation of that Stargate fanfic you wrote when you were fourteen that really went off the rails and began to inhabit its own universe, complete with original characters, wolf-men, and bees. That’s Jupiter Ascending.
I’ll also say that the film was, as has been mentioned in endless reviews, preposterously derivative. Everything reminded me of something else; the structure reminded me of Dune, the space-gates reminded me of Cowboy Bebop, that one ship was lifted directly from 2001, that rat dude was just Peter Pettigrew, and the cyberpunk mercenaries literally stepped out of Trinity’s Fashion School. But I couldn’t tell if they were all supposed to be intentional homages, or if it was just straight-up laziness on the part of the Wachowskis – and that’s not a good feeling.
The outrageous, opulent design had me thinking quite a bit about Alejandro Jodorowsky, actually. Last year the wonderful documentary Jodorowsky’s Dune detailed the filmmaker’s failed attempt to bring the novel Dune to the big screen in the 1970s. He assembled a group of incredibly talented artists and visualists to articulate his vision, and while the movie itself was never made, many of those design fragments seeped out into the world, seeding films like Alien and Star Wars. The unspoken truth at the heart of the documentary, however, was that Jodorowsky’s vision for Dune was genuinely batshit crazy, and even if it had been made we would have gotten a visually stunning film that made zero sense. [emphasis added]
I read another one last week that I wish I could find back; it basically gave a plot “summary” that sounded like something a narrative-generator churned out when the processor overheated.