How are you celebrating Batman's 85th birthday?

Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2024/03/30/how-are-you-celebrating-batmans-85th-birthday.html

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As a mental health professional, I’m obligated to celebrate anything connected to the DCU by becoming a villain and plotting to take Batman down through some gimmicky scheme.

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Have him fill out pages of medical forms online and then have him fill out the same forms by hand when we gets to the office!

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I suppose, just this once, I won’t kill the costumed criminal psychopath I’ve just taken down with my elite fighting skills.

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There’s only one place to celebrate.

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Of course he’ll have to do that. There’s a mandatory six-month wait between the request for an appointment and actually being able to be seen. Then his services will be rejected and he’ll have to discontinue or transfer to another provider. For profit health care really is the worst supervillain.

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Typo in the date of the first graf: 1989

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Why would we celebrate Batman?

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I’m celebrating by starting the 10 year countdown until Batman enters the public domain.

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I’m taking conservatorship over a pre-teen & fighting serial killers with them.

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At least one person is making sure there’s no celebratory confections.

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I’m sending him a case of Bat Ensure and some cozy Bat Slippers.

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I wish I were celebrating by covering this awesome song from my childhood with my nonexistent garage band at a dive bar in Crime Alley tonight:

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I’m sure someone’s got something planned.

0901-batman-thelonghalloween12

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I’d like to see Harley Quinn mention that at some point. Even if it wasn’t the main impetus for her life of crime, some undercurrent of “I actually cared for my patients and this is how the system treated them” would be interesting.

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I’m going to have a quiet night at home, relaxing on my Bat-couch, and maybe I’ll enjoy a warm glass of Bat-milk before bed.

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If you need to acquire bat milk just remember that bats keep their nipples in their armpits (wingpits?) regardless of what Jerry Schumacher would have you believe.

RIGHT:

WRONG:

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