/me takes off “cash me ousside” t-shirt
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All true. Even cooler is the real reason that requesting a favor works:
A) It flatters the person of whom the favor is asked, so they let their guard down a little, leading to…
B) It unconsciously short-circuits the other person’s enmity, because why would they do a favor for someone they don’t like?
There’s a great You Are Not So Smart podcast episode on this.
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Also known as: “The Monty Burns”.
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Further disclaimer: Results may vary depending on the colour of your skin, your conformity to western ideals of beauty, and whether the gate agent thinks you’re Muslim.
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Remember kids, stay passive and never let those in authority see you as anything but a faithful servant. Prepare yourself for a life of quiet desperation today!
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Hmm. Really? If a man did this, it might come off extra creepy or just awkward. Anything forced will come off that way. So you might get what you’re after, but the person helping you may be doing so to get rid of your creepy leering and leaning routine.
How about just being genuinely empathetic? What happened to that “technique”? I’d rather demonstrate genuine empathy and hope for the best because that’s the way I prefer to connect. One has to be and feel genuinely empathetic however, not just act like it. To me it feels more genuine that way, appears less forced, and the result is 50% manipulative instead of 100%. I actually find it easier because it’s real. Even if I don’t get what I want it’s still good practice, and I feel better about the way I went about it.
Everybody’s body language is slightly different. It’s subtle nuance that says “I’m nice and genuinely empathize with your situations and your job as a _______”. How you flash a smile and even the way you say “hi” is a cue. An empathetic attitude is recognized as such almost as fast as facial recognition cues. So why not promote being yourself, even if that means being clumsy. Because people with the power also respond positively to vulnerability.
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If you’re ‘equipped’ like a brontosaurus… yes. Maybe.
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What the… There’s 27 replies and there hasn’t been any “what a load of BS” yet? Okay, let me be the first. Or better yet, let me rephrase it:
Evidence or it didn’t happen.
Come on, BoingBoing, you can do better than pseudo-scientific junk like this. From the article:
Why does it work? I called Dr. Lillian Glass,
oooh, a doctorate, so it’s science, let’s see…
resident body language expert on Dancing With the Stars and Millionaire Matchmaker
or maybe not.
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egg-layers get all the action.
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Still, I continue to try my hardest to kill that rumor.
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I’m surprised that Slate missed those teensy/weensy details.
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Or the Monty Theory
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That’s the part I hate the most. I don’t really like the taste of tree leaves.
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Welp, there is a lot of dinosaur porn out there…
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Possibly not as much of a charlatan as Amy Cuddy. Possibly,
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This.
I read this in my inbox, and came here to see if anyone hit on that one, specific point. So happy that it arrived before I did. I have infinite patience with those that need it the most, but much less so with those that are completely capable of thinking and expressing themselves with the entirety of their attention, concentration, and life-experiences, especially when those expressions happen within a group of people used to new ideas and who actively seek them out, as I usually characterize the Boingboing set. Open-minded, self-reflective, open-minded, razor-sharp witted and open-minded. These traits usually engender another specific set of traits, the ones that keep me coming back to the BBbbs: empathy and compassion. With those traits somewhere in our hierarchy of expression, we’re only one small step from moving them to the top, and that is foster a sense of love for everyone of our species, because we are all fought with weaknesses and challenges, hopes and dreams, and individual narratives that are exactly as important as our own. We don’t have to like everybody, but loving everyone first sure feels right. If that is a challenge, I suggest taking a pt job or better, volunteering at a homeless shelter, nursing home or home/school for the people on the autism spectrum, developmentally disabled people or people struggling with catastrophic forms of mental illness. Doing something like this allows us to foster those little nuggets of compassion and empathy in very real and necessary way. Being able to learn that all of these other people with challenges we don’t yet understand are exactly like us removes the need for any type of posturing. Even if you need to fake the compassion at first, at one point you will find you are no longer “faking”. The compassion becomes real. We are a naturally compassionate species. That’s why we understand our pets, and see faces in the clouds. We naturally want to understand and be understood. Emoting this in any setting, even that of a hectic airport won’t just get you what you need, it will help everyone around you get what they need. No need for fakery or body-language experts. That body language expert would wilt in the face of a pepsi-challange with the real thing any day.
If fostering compassion for others doesn’t seem to be in within your wheel-house at this time, or if you happen to be a “type A” personality, or even for students of Ayn-Randian philosophy, understanding the need for others success as an indispensable pillar of one’s own success could lead you to a very similar place, with nearly equal success. I say “nearly equal” because the deeply emphatic among us may sense the reasons for one’s cooperation and acquiescence as self-fullment driven, and drive them to seek others who’s motives are entirely compassionate, but cooperation for selfish reasons still beats entitled-rage, every single time. Neil Strauss, in ‘Emergency: This book will save your life’ said “Survival is a team-sport.” If we truly want to survive in this world, we must also truly want those within our sphere of influence to survive, because the moment those we interact with start dropping out of the race, it’s only a matter of time before the rot reaches us.
tl;dr Being real beats seeming real every single time, regardless of one’s knowledge of body language.
ty, @elk!
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Yeah, “kindly brontosaurus pose” did kinda remind me of a very specific version of “power pose”… In her defense, Cuddy at least tried to make it look like there was empirical evidence behind that. Oh bugger, now I’m not even sure which kind of charlatanism to find more despicable.
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From the article:
If anyone took this pose with me there’s no way in hell I’d be going out of my way to help them. It looks creepy as shit.
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Explain trump?
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To quote Ringo Starr from “A Hard Day’s Night”:
I don’t care.
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