How to: apologize

I am sorry if anyone was offended by my statement of the way I really feel…

  1. Suggest what you will do to see that you don’t make the same mistake again.

I’m really sorry that list was incomplete.

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Archie: All right, all right, I apologize.
Otto: You’re really sorry?
Archie: I’m really really sorry. I apologize unreservedly.
Otto: You take it back?
Archie: I do. I offer a complete and utter retraction. The imputation was totally without basis in fact, and was in no way fair comment, and was motivated purely by malice, and I deeply regret any distress that my comments may have caused you or your family, and I hereby undertake not to repeat any such slander at any time in the future.
Otto: …Okay.


If you’ve sincerely tried to correct your mistake, some people simply won’t forgive, and you must move on. But on the other hand, some things may be unforgivable.


A friend and I were thinking of creative ways to wreak social havoc. Infect their computer and phone with a program that reviews all outgoing correspondence. Any time the program detects a sentence with “sorry,” “apologies,” “sympathy,” “condolences,” etc, it inserts at the end of that sentence, “, lol.” or “, lmao.”


“the person responsible [to me and was thus following my orders] has been fired.”

“you’re taking that out of context”


The person responsible for the subtitles has been sacked.


What happened to 3 Metal albums and having 2 hours of comedy routine stolen? Why is it complicated now?

I sincerely apologize, from the bottom of my heart. But please let me know if there’s anything I can do to make things right.


Learn from someone who’s really got something to apologise for:

Hah! You know Chris Lilley?

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Not well, but Ja’mie cracks me up.
Ah, I see that he is on his way to Los Angeles soon…

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That one was a classic.


I think his best character is the teenage islander dude. Very authentic.

Oh, and the super self-indulgent teacher rivals even Gervais for cringeworthiness.

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