I use a simpler heuristic. If your apology contains the word “if” or the word “but”, then it’s not an apology (“I’m sorry if I offended you…”)
Regarding the board game:
I find it’s best to start simply by saying “I’m sorry” and then shutting up. How does the person respond? That’s my gauge for how many other steps to take at that moment. Not everyone wants an explanation, or to be put on the spot to forgive immediately.
This item ignores the finest apology of all, the corporate/political apology, in which the apologist expresses regret that the other person feels an apology is in order.
Funny that I always found the two most important factors of an apology were One person actually offering an apology and the Other person being open to accepting an apology.
I’ve often found some people just can’t take yes for an answer. No matter how many ways you tell them that you take full responsibility, that you are regretful of whatever happened, that you want to do whatever it takes to fix it…they simply will not accept it.
Then there’s the “mistakes were made” bullshit.
I’m sorry that you feel that way.
…and will start a GoFundMe to raise enough $$$ to get him neutered?
So it seems like these researchers have gathered some data that supports and expands upon John Scalzi’s suggestions on how to apologize from back in 2013.
The best way to offer the apology is if you can sing…
Oh, the irony.
Jules: Oh, man. I will never forgive your ass for this shit. This is some fucked-up repugnant shit.
Vincent: Jules, did you ever hear the philosophy that once a man admits that he is wrong, he is immediately forgiven for all wrong-doings? Have you ever heard that?
Jules: Get the fuck out my face with that shit. The motherfucker said that shit never had to pick up itty-bitty pieces of skull on account of your dumb ass.
I was thinking more along the lines of…
I’m sorry I said that, it was mean of me and I wasn’t thinking clearly of consequences. I will be sure to be more mindful of my words next time and how they may affect others.
If they’d brought shotguns, Vincent would have been much less likely to casually wave his sidearm around once they’d recovered the briefcase.
I’m sorry that YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT THE F CK YOU ARE ABOUT