Howto: Irritate Donald Trump

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They forgot “Your Mama” Jokes…


I’m considering changing my opinion on Donald Trump: I am beginning to think he is a brilliant man and a shill for the democratic party, and perhaps has even already cut a deal with Hillary for a position in her administration.

Bear with me:

  1. Sure he’s an ahole who only cares about himself, but you can’t deny he’s a clever ahole.
  2. In 1999, as pointed out by Wash Post’s Dana Milbank, he ran a 3rd party campaign and his platform was tolerance, and he is quoted saying: NY is, “a town with different races, religions, and peoples, I have learned to work with my brother man.” In the same campaign, he supported gays in the military and distanced himself from Pat Buchanan by calling Buchanan a racist.
  3. His current tirade has kept him on the front page of the US news for a couple weeks now, and if he gets into the debates, he will be in the front page of every newspaper in the world.
  4. In the process, he is indeed losing real money with the businesses he’s alienated. This has to hurt, he must have a Trump 2.0 plan in the works.

So, why now? Why the 180 degree change on immigration? Can he possibly be so ignorant about the effect of his words? I don’t think so. Here’s my thesis:

  1. By being near the front of the Republican party, he is going to “pig wrestle in the mud” with every one of those f***ers.
  2. When he’s done, the Republicans will be a shadow of what they are today; a sad, inbred, fringe party.
  3. Hillary (or maybe Sanders?) breezes to a victory.
  4. Somewhere in the process they kiss and make up.
  5. BAM… Secretary of State Trump… or, dare I say, Vice President Trump.


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I agree that he is trying to torpedo the GOP.

Analysis: Trump’s dislike of windmills motivates quixotic presidential campaign.


I’d say that he would be a natural…

Joe: For the last time, I'm pretty sure what's killing the crops is this Brawndo stuff. Secretary of State: But Brawndo's got what plants crave. It's got electrolytes. Attorney General: "So wait a minute. What you're saying is that you want us to put water on the crops. Joe: Yes. Attorney General: Water. Like out the toilet? Joe: Well, I mean, it doesn't have to be out of the toilet, but, yeah, that's the idea. Secretary of State: But Brawndo's got what plants crave. Attorney General: It's got electrolytes. Joe: Okay, look. The plants aren't growing, so I'm pretty sure that the Brawndo's not working. Now, I'm no botanist, but I do know that if you put water on plants, they grow. Secretary of Energy: Well, I've never seen no plants grow out of no toilet. Secretary of State: Hey, that's good. You sure you ain't the smartest guy in the world? Joe: Okay, look. You wanna solve this problem. I wanna get my pardon. So why don't we just try it, okay, and not worry about what plants crave? Attorney General: Brawndo's got what plants crave. Secretary of Energy: Yeah, it's got electrolytes. Joe: What are electrolytes? Do you even know? Secretary of State: It's what they use to make Brawndo. Joe: Yeah, but why do they use them to make Brawndo? Secretary of Defense: 'Cause Brawndo's got electrolytes.

To paraphrase: “A man has no reason to be ashamed of having an ape for his mother. If there were an ancestor whom I should feel shame in recalling it would rather be a man – a man of great inheritance and unused intellect – who, not content with equivocal coasting in his own sphere of activity, plunges into extremely simple questions with which he still has no acquaintance, only to obscure them with aimless rambling, and offend the attention of his hearers from the real point at issue by by boastful digressions and incompetent appeals to prejudice.”

But I guess that should be obvious, and is maybe even an insult to Samuel Wilberforce to apply here. :slight_smile:

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One of the scariest things about this topic is that I had initially mistaken the two r’s in “irritate” for an m…


Or maybe his staff will announce in a couple years that he’s in the early stages of Alzheimer disease.

But, you know, not just ordinary Alzheimer’s.

The Quality kind.


The best way to get a drink out of him is to stick your fingers down his throat.
And the best way to annoy him is to feed his grandmother to The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal.

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