Hundreds of NYC residents calling city to complain about noisy "sex mayhem"

“Thought it was too cold outside for an orgy party. Doesn’t stop this guy.”

This person is just upset they got turned away.

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Was the complaint, “they started without me?”

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I ran the numbers (based on 2020 population census), and assuming that nuisance compalints are good indicators of sex activity, Queens is the king of fucking, while Staten Island is at the bottom. A lot of cops live on Staten Island. Brooklyn (my birthplace) is next lowest. Brooklyn — do your fucking job, why don’t you. (Or maybe the building walls are thicker there.)

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Sounds like people are having a good time.

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I appreciated that.

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The officers can thank people all they want, but at least the orgies I’ve been too, cops are explicitly excluded. (Why yes, the hosts of the events do vet participants, who’d have expected that?)

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queens resident here with an apology. we’ll try and keep it down.

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there were nearly 300 calls made to the city’s 311 hotline in the last twelve months by residents complaining about their neighbors’ noisy sex

Not only were they incredibly noisy, but they have some supernatural stamina…

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Don’t be.
We’ve got to ask ourselves: Would I really like to have noisy sex? Or is a cuddly coitus preferable?

I think since this isn’t a single indecent incident reported, but a larger number, we can assume the sample size could be large enough to come to a conclusion.

I can’t believe Reno 911! lied to me like that.

reno

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Hey guys, the cops are here with another fucking complaint.

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Well… if the quality of your noise was better! :wink:… says this ex-Williamsburg resident.

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It’s clearly investigatis interruptus.

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I want to wake up in a city
That never bleeps

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Records show those NYPD probes into noisy coitus rarely reach completion.

Of course not.
The cops hardly even show up and if they do it’s too late - i.e. they never come too soon.

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The only guy in Staten Island getting laid is Pete Davidson

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You’d have to account for density and patterns of occupation too – it’s much easier to provoke your envious neighbors in a high-rise than a mcmansion. Although my impression is that the Bronx is full of high-rise blocks, while Queens has a lot of detached houses (as does Staten Island). So it does seem like however you slice it, there’s something going on in Queens.

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Yes. I went by my assumption. There’s also age demographics.as being a factor.